不会吵架的事

不善于吵架 是件好事吗？
有时会很气自己为什么当下忍气吞声，事后才在那边懊恼说为什么刚才没告诉他我有多不满，他有多不对
可是我在想，一旦吵了架，隔天要当没一回事的跟对方讲话，我可能很难办到
所以吵不起架可能是件好事

临场反应慢，不止发生在那种时候，
连在工作时也是如此
往往要让我自己好好思考后，或是冲凉时，睡觉前，等tram时，才会想出有建设性的点

又一个人生大道理

我们为什么会依然活在这个地球上，能够平安活着，绝对是种幸运

你说不是吗？

谁知道哪一天哪一个时刻，一倒霉，不幸的事可能会发生，

可能患重病、发生意外，

好好的一个人就可能这样走了。

人生无常，一点都没说错，

没有人知道自己能活多久，

也没有人知道，人一旦离开了，到底是去了哪里，

还能有喜怒哀乐吗？还能有亲人朋友吗？

多数人需要工作，

因为需要赚钱，才能养活自己，才能维持基本的生活条件，

需要有各种不同的行业，才能互相满足需求，

虽然地球还是会照转，时间还是一样不会停，

人们还是需要工作，社会国家才会运作，人们才能生活

干活是为了过活

但可悲的是，不是每个人都喜欢自己的工作，不是每个人都享受做工

所以，难道说这些人是在浪费自己的生命做着自己不喜欢的事情，只为了能够活下去，

这太矛盾了吧？

想想古时候的人，

种种菜，养养家畜，

满足自己，互相交换，

简单的过着，不要求太多，只要求温饱，还是一样活得好好的

古时候的人比较快乐吗?

所以呢，

人生短短几十年，

‘...明日何其多！ ’
好好享受我们的幸运，把握生活，快快乐乐的活！

也不要 ‘明日复明日’

今日不知明日事啊！

i'm just tired of dealing with the plumber!!
last monday, the hot water unit got replaced, since then the plumber came back 3 times to fix the leak around the hot water unit. friday was the last time he came. over the weekend, it seemed to be fixed but when i checked again this morning there's still a small leak, it's so tiny that it doesn't actually drip on the newspaper i put underneath, but when i touched it with a tissue paper, there re water droplets. sien!! thought of checking it this morning for the last time before i pay them for the job!!
and my unhelpful flatmate told me not to get the plumber to come tmr morning (they usually come at 730am) because she wants to sleep in! she has her day-off tmr. !!!!! wth!
i'm so sick of her! when is she getting married?!?!?!

~~~~~~~~~
looking for the accomodations in canada in october. not cheap leh. and the plan of travelling there on my own feels a bit scary. Need to avoid dodgy areas and accomodation. well Toronto is one of the safest city in the world, so it shouldn't be that bad. but on the other hand i'm excited, it's a nice country to visit! and i decided to make a trip to see the Niagara Falls!! woohoo!! always thought the NF is in the US, but it's actually not far from Toronto, at the border of Canada and NewYork :)

no more chips for me
this new found fav of mine shall replace my chip-ing habbit when i'm in the bad mood. it does make me happy :)
since i'm back from holiday, i've been eating well at home and been cooking a lot more often. good on me!

i just learnt what is stress,
that's when i realised when i don't handle them well it affects my health/well-being. i know since highschool that it'll make my 'old problem' worse (this problem was completely gone for a year while i'm in trinity college!), but then now there are other problems too

i actully wish that i'm sick *touchwood* so that i can get away from them for a moment, although i know that i still hv to deal with them later.

sigh...

I want...

to finish my experiment
to finish my thesis
to graduate

to get a job
to move to a new country
to run away from some ppl in melbourne

to have a place to stay on my own
to have a car

以前呢，有事不想面对，觉得有压力，就会想埋头睡觉，什么都不要想
现在呢，反而不想去睡，因为不想一觉醒来就要面对事情，想再拖一下
唉

享受了 18 天的客厅、沙发、电视，明天开始又要回到房里的书桌了 :( 好惨哦 哈哈
再过两个星期，连在房里都不得清静了
好享受一个人在家，可以为所欲为

——————————————

好想逃跑！
第一次觉得这么想要跑掉
这次不是在怀疑自己的选择，或许是因为知道离开终点不远了

压力加上累了
四年了，真的够了

So, what happened in my 2010?

I watched 13 movies in the cinema,
3 concerts,
and 4 musicals.

Been to Sydney twice, Brisbane+GoldCoast once.

Saw fireworks in Syd for the first time in my life.

Went to the rehearsal of the Carols by Candlelight by Vision Australia.

Attended 1 friend’s wedding (3 other friends got married in the same year).

Be part of the postgrad student association of mcri.

Gave my first ‘public’ oral presentation at the ASMR student symposium in the Ella Latham theatre (the biggest theatre hall at rch/mcri),
Gave my first oral presentation at a proper conference (Aussiemit in Garvan Institute, Syd)

Attended 2 scientific conferences (Lorne and Syd), 1 student symposium.

First paper published, a middle authorship, Am J of Hum Genetics.
Countless experiments completed, successfully or not.

Ate a lot of yummy food in melb and Sydney, thanks to the foodies who were there with me.

Had 3+1 friends and 2 groups of relatives visiting melb from msia/s’pore.

2 new babies from 2 cousin/cousin’s wife.

Had 2 wisdom teeth removed.

Went to the dentist for the first time here, and had my first ‘scale and clean’.

Said ‘I love you’ to someone in person for the first time (she’s my very very nice colleague la).

Had 2 haircuts.

‘burnt’ my hand with dry-ice (at work) and got a hand full of blisters for almost a week, learnt my lesson in a hard way.

Got my driving licence eventually.

Had my first outdoor moonlight cinema experience.

It rained+hailed+flooded in melb city and it all happened in front of me.

Went up to the Eureka tower for the first time, the view was great.

Had my first Coke zero, it tastes better than the original Coca Cola! less sweet.

~~~~~~
looking fwd to more exciting experiences to come in the 2011!!

wow! i just went back to my old blog post to see wat's my year 2010's resolution
and here's what i said:
i should learn to be more forgetful on things i shouldn't rmb;
i should learn to look at certain things with one eye closed;
i should learn to enjoy my life more coz it can be very short;
i should learn to be more talkative to 'strangers' (well not random ppl on the street lar, but more like ppl at work for example, ppl whom i'm not close friends with).

how similar to this year's!!
hmmm not very good huh... means i hvn't achieved much
and also i hvn't changed/grown much :S

The fireworks are one of the best invention in the world, don't you agree?

i love fireworks,
everytime i see fireworks i'm 感动-ed
was watching video snaps of the 2011 new year celebration fireworks around the world on the BBC website, for some reason, i'm almost in tears.
seeing it on the tv screen is different, you need to hear the noise of the fireworks which is like .3 sec behind (light transports faster than sound you see),
and if you're close enough to the source of the fireworks, you need to feel the light on ur face (although there might be ashes and smokes coming to your face too but who cares)

can't imagine how depressed and dissappointing i will be if i'm not seeing the fireworks with my bare eyes when i'm in the city that celebrates with fireworks!

hope that one year i can be in sydney or taiwan for the NYE
syd for the fantastic fireworks, top2 in the world in terms of NYE celebration.
taiwan for the live NYE countdown shows.

____________

new year's resolution(s).... hmm...
the first one is very straight forward: to finish my PhD!!
then, the others are:
be more forgiving to certain ppl (of course, those who deserve la),
be kind to ppl who are kind to me,
live for myself, if ppl don't care then just be it, be more care-less
love myself and my parents more, life is shourt!


Happy 2011 to myself! :)

礼

从今年十月份到现在，一共合送了5份生日礼物，各人送了2份圣诞礼物，还买了2份准备送出去的圣诞礼物

挑礼物是一门学问，是用心思修来的学问

而收礼物也是学问，是用EQ修来的学问
当你收到一份你不喜欢的礼物，要抑制自己脸上出现‘我不喜欢’这四个字，还要称赞送礼人，和表现得感动感激，我承认我不及格

人家说，‘有心就好，送什么都没关系’
我，还在努力的体会当中

how i lost my wisdom... teeth

i lost my money, my wisdom and my teeth, all at once on wed morning...

Firstly, a good breakfast before the surgery

then to the dental appointment, accompanied by a kind friend of mine :)

the procedure wasn't as bad as i thought.

from cutting my gum to letting me bite on the cotton thing, took less than 25mins i recon. felt like 15mins or less.

started with a few injections of the anaesthetic drug, was quite worried when the surgeon's hand was shaking when he's giving me the injection to my top jaw! he's a reasonably old man, experienced surgeon. haha. it's probably my jaw bones la.

and he still remembers what i told him in march, about i'm a phd student doing research on mitochondria.

After the injections is a mouth-rinse, then i was left alone in the room for 10-15 mins, felt like 15mins, flipping through the Gourmet magazine a few times back and forth, read abt macaroons, blue cheese, all while half of my mouth (including half of my tongue) turned numb. the nurse/assistant came in once or twice to get the tools prepared.

when the surgeon came in again, he got me to put on a pair of sunnies (this is what they do before they turn on the bright light on my face/mouth), adjusted the chair, they quickly put on their gowns gloves and face masks, then start cutting my gum. i couldn't feel anything at all.

then he warned me abt the 'vibration' before cutting up my embeded wisdom tooth, felt tiny bit of pain at that time,

then he warned me again for some snapping sound. then one by one he picked up pieces of my tooth/something else? from my jaw. i counted up to 4 or 5 (can't rmb now) pieces. then he quickly sew the gum, saw the 'thread', i closed my eyes when he did the stitching, didn't want to imagine that.

then to the next tooth, upper jaw this time, warned me abt some pushings he's abt to make. yes pushing, not pulling tho.

tried with the smaller 'plier' thingy, didn't work, the assistant passed him a bigger tool, few pushes and here comes my funky looking tooth, 'this can be made into an earring' is what he said to me -_-

got to bring the teeth (one funny looking tooth and 3 pieces of tooth fragments) home as a souvenior. went to buy some pain killers and Nurofen before heading home in the rain.

popped those tablets into my mouth, did some emails, analysed some data, felt super sleepy coz of the pain-killer. so went to bed woke up 3 or 4 hours later, still feeling tired. numbness pretty much gone. had some food then slept again.

didn't feel much pain, was bit irritated by the bloody smell in my mouth that's all. very careful with brushing.

the next morning, woke up with a swollen cheek :(

a 'lopsided chipmunk' is what my friend said. very little pain, but bit stiff with my muscle. spent the whole day on the couch watchin twnese talk shows, shouldn't hv checked work email coz it made me think abt work again, had a nap, went to bed before 10pm.

the next morning (This morning), less swollen but instead, a bit numb :( decided to go back to work in the afternoon after lunch. before heading to work, went to the private health insurance to get some money back, then found out i can only claim half as much as i thought i could :(

what i've been eating since wed:

just found this in the brochure the nurse gave me that day:
'repeated jaw movements (eg increased talking upon return to work may cause jaw and muscle discomfort) which can be controlled by resting the jaw and taking pain-killers'
hmm... so mayb i shouldn't go back to work so early huh. i've been talking quite a bit today, and laughing too. is that why my cheek and lips feel numb now? :(

ok, less talking from now on.

i put an ad on Gumtree to give away my old CRT tv for free.
in 4 days, i had 72 views of my ad, 1 email response, 3 sms reponses.
and i managed to give it away at day 4, to someone who needs the tv more than i do
:)
gumtree works! or rather, who doesn't want free stuff?

seriously, why can't ppl plan their lives earlier?
i mean for things such as when to hv dinner gathering with their friends, and when to get married, those things that you need other ppl involved. i do'nt care when you want to hv dinner if you're just having it by yourself.

well unless it's a random gathering, if ppl missed it, they don't hv to wait for long for the 2nd gathering or it's something easy to reschedule. but if you're only coming from overseas for a short visit, can you at least tell me how long you'll be in melb for? the exact dates please? don't you have that on your flight itinerary?! and when i told you i can't do this day then don't make me sacrifice my long-planned plan for your last minute plan!

and if you're getting married, well unless it's a shotgun marriage lor, you defintely need more than a 2 months notice right? unless you don't expect ppl overseas/out of the state to come. o well, too bad. i've planned my life too early and i just have to convince myself that it's a shotgun wedding, it'll make me feel more comfortable

15 years of friendship...
does that worth more than $800 + 2 days off work when i'm suppose to be at the busiest time in my phd (although i can easily make up for that on weekends) + not able to spend more days holiday overseas while going for a conference (well actually only involves 2 days difference)

a friend who have been my classmate for more than 6 years, a friend whom i've known for more than half of my life,
is getting married in jan next year.
is it worth my effort time and money to fly back just to attend her wedding?!
we don't belong in the same 'group' of close friends but she's one of the friends whom i'm still in touch with since we finished high school.
it's more of the 'quantity' than 'quality' when it comes to describing how close we actully are. we've known each other for so many years but we're not each other's best buddies.
it's a tough call!!

在这里都差不多八年了，但最近才真正领悟到家人的重要
是自己长大开窍了，还是 postgrad student 需要的 moral support 远比前几年多，还是跟朋友越来越疏远了，还是纯粹因为在外这么多年累积起来的
爸妈会时时刻刻都想到你，他们可以随时听你，永远把你的事放在心上
也只有对他们，在你需要帮助时毫不客气地要求

一直以来是打算毕业后再工作个几年，‘玩’够了、甘愿了、失望了，才去新加坡找份工，离家较近
最最近有两股冲动想一毕业就干脆去新加坡好了
对现在的生活太失望了，
对自己能否在另一个国外找到工没信心了

还有一年多，我会撑得住的！

am excited about going to work on weekends/public holidays because i get to have yummy takeaways as a reward for myself.
that's pathetic!

aww... there're still people other than my famiy who love me... just need to know who they are :)

好像吃碗粥 :(
再不然幸好家里有面包，可是又会想配肉松 :(
我要妈妈!

when i'm stressed,

eg while preparing for exams, i'll loose weight, coz i don't snack and only eat when i really have to.

eg while experiments in the lab dont go as planned, i loose appetite, and only eat when i really have to
muesli with milk for breakfast at 8am, a breadtop bun + small pear lasted me the whole day after and then a 100g Ritter Sport chocolate for dinner. went to bed at 10pm on a wednesday night.
had a microwavable frozen hokkien noodles for breakfast on the next day 7am, McNuggets meal at 3pm.
luckily the day ended with a dinner of nice sushi's and nice icecream for dessert.

found another aim for my life:
to bring my parents around to travel. anywhere. just anywhere in this world.
it's a happy feeling when they visit new places, experience new stuff. that makes me happy. i really want them to see the world. as much as they can.

few days ago i asked mum if she and dad want to go hk or tw when i go back for holiday in march. and this is what she replied, on msn:
'ok, can lah. got u take us , want!'
i only saw that when i got home and turn on my msn.
while at work, i got an sms saying (direct quote)
'we want 2 go 2 hong kong!'
i think they (or at least my mum is) are excited abt it :)

_______________

the feeling of
'psychologically ready to leave where i am now to start a new life/career in another country'
is actually scary >.<
but i'm still optimistic about canada

OCD

hmmm.... what are the symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?

i realised that i can't help but arranging things on the shelves in the supermarket when they're not in order. that includes straighting up clothes and small boxed items on the rack.
but after trying on clothes in the fitting room, i'm fine giving back the shirt and the clothes hanger separately.
i even think that, being annoyed when people always running late without a good reason falls in the same category. because so many of my friends are doing that until i question myself for being punctual! :S what kind of theory is that?!?!
and perhaps i can also include the fact that i'm not very good in handling last minute changes of plans.

are they all related to OCD??? or i'm just a control freak.

...

当妳知道他有新女友的时候，会替他高兴，
就表示妳不再在乎他了。
但是，怎么还会有一种 想哭但是哭不去来 的感觉？

hmm... some random stats
37 of my msn contacts are (appearing) online at the moment,
13 of them in melbourne,
3 are friends whom i'll ask to go out with spontaneously,

looks like i need more friends in melb,
not enough friends whom i can get along with.
bla

i'm bored... not just the simple bored but deep down bored and tired.
can't believe it's been 1 month and a bit since i had my holiday and i'm tired already.

should be sleeping now, but bcause of some reason, just don't feel like sleeping because i don't want tmr to come so soon :(
sigh

can i have some surprise? pleasant surprise of course. something to cheer me up

sometimes we complain about our friends 无事不登三宝殿,
friends who don't usually contact or hang out with you, not close to you, when they need your help, they'll come to you. sounds like these friends are not sincere.
but think about this, if they don't come to you when they know you might be able to help, does this make you think they don't see you as friends? i'm sure if you know they don't usually hang out with you, they'll know the same too. so if they still come to you in such situation, it either means, their 'skin is thick' or, they know you're a nice friend.
well well, not that i'm finding excuse from these friens, i'm trying to make myself less 'dislike' them ba. pathetic.

---------

i feel that, the more you konw about something, the pros and cons, the more you're picky about it.
to me, if i want to get something, especially if it's not something cheap, i'll want to get a good descent one eventhough it'll cost more. if i can't afford the good one, i rather not have it.
should i apply this philosophy of mine when getting presents for others? hmmm...

Because i'm too organised, because i'm efficient
i'm bored now :S

she usually speaks very softly. until sometimes i can't be bothered to clarify things

she usually speaks bit louder. she's usually very energetic and enthu therefore the volume tends to be higher most of the time until sometime i'm annoyed

i'm difficult to please huh

一边看着朋友 po 在 facebook 的 Vancouver 和 London 的照片，觉得这两个地方应该还不难适应吧；一边听着也跟着唱梁静茹的歌，想到我如果真的毕业后可以去这其中一个地方工作，我一定会想念那在 Melbourne 和朋友唱k 的日子。
突然觉得很舍不得

my recent fav

They are evil!!!

once i start a new pack, i can't stop until i finish the whole pack!!

so far i've tried sour cream and chives, roast chicken and herbs :)

then there's this one,

black sesame 'tang yuan' in ginger syrup (more like ginger soup to me). there are 5 tang yuans in a serve.

best dessert for the cold winter. ahhhh

when comparing


VS



just from how they look like on the outside.
我会‘看不起’that Nokia, because i assume Nokia is trying to 'learn' from BB.

but then, when



VS



i have no comment on that. haha... weird mentality of mine...

hmm... not going to that ski trip in mid aug anymore
and i actually feel relieved that i made the decision
eventhough i already gave up a trip to Sydney for S.H.E's concert
and if i am going to the snow, i have to give up 林宥嘉's concert as well as the dates clash
and i'll probably have to refrain myself from suggesting any karaoke outings with my friends

i'm still holding on the decision of not going to syd for the concert,
but i can go to 林宥嘉's concert, and another musical (the King and I) which was suggested and decided very last minute :)

there have been a few times where i felt relieved that i didn't end up buying some stuff. i think more frequent than when i regretted for not buying the stuff.

__________

"物以类聚，人以群分"
that is actually quite true, from the fact that
all of my close friends like to watch musicals, just like i do :)
at first i thought, hmm... perhaps it's not difficult to love musicals, but then i know quite a few ppl who has no interest in them.
but in terms of food preferences, we can be quite different

hmm... i missed out another friend's wedding

see, i missed out my cousins' weddings, my friends' wedding,
haven't seen the renovated bathroom and repainted home, well i haven't step foot on KL soil for almost 1.5 years,
then i will miss out the birth of my cousin's baby,
what else have I or will I miss out?!?! :(

26 June 8.37pm

Went to the (Brisbane) city with my parents yday. Took them to watch 3D ToyStory 3. Not worth going for 3D for this movie but they haven’t watched 3D movie in the cinema before, so we had to choose between toystory3 and shrek4. ToyStory fits our timing better. It’s always nice to bring parents to something new to them, try new food, see new places, especially when they’re happy or fascinated or excited about it, i’m happy. At MovieWorld that day, mum drove me for the first time ever, eventhough it was in a bumper car, i sat beside her in the same ‘car’, dad was in another car himself. She had fun, eventhough i would love to have my own bumper car, but i’ve played bumper car before elsewhere, i’ve drove a real car, sitting next to mum in the same ‘car’ was actually fun :)

And guess what, I bumped into my friend in the city yesterday! What a small world!!

How would you feel when you know your parents are wrong?? Not only you don’t agree with them, but they are actually being un-reasonable. Sigh... I know they should discuss things properly with them, i’m sure dad can think through and accept different opinion as long as they’re reasonable. But this time, i’m afraid to be the ‘middle person’. I am so helpless... argh. I think it’s a miscommunication; or rather it’s a lack of communication. I didn’t sleep well last night because of this. Tomorrow is the day, hope everything is fine!

So tired from driving today. Up north to around sunshine coast, abt 1.5 hours drive from Brisbane. First to Eumundi market, then the ginger factory, macadamia factory, lastly the pineapple theme park (pretty much means pineapple farm). The feeling of tiredness while driving is so scary!! When we were on our way back, i felt really sleepy to the extent of: i know my eyes will just close once i don’t concentrate hard. And now, i would say that, i hate driving. Haha!!

Feel so sien when ppl don’t want to ‘participate’ during holiday outings. When u’re on a holiday, you should enjoy as much as you can! Since you’re already there, might as well make full use of your presence, eg join the $12 guided tour for a 40mins ginger factory tour+tasting!! Just ‘boh lat’. :S

*yawn* 8.58pm Zzz...



30 June

‘Where can I see the koalas?’
‘At the zoo lor.’
‘Do I need to pay for the zoo?’
‘Yes’
‘then don’t want lor.’
‘-_-’
Might as well just stay at home right?! Didn’t even ask me how much to pay, but ‘pay money’ is the keyword. :S

By the way, everything was fine on Sunday. I didn’t witness the whole ‘process’, but as long as it ended fine. *phew*

I think my dark circles got improved during this holiday. If it really does, i think the way that works for me is to sleep early, early as in before 11pm. Doesnt matter how much tv i watch during the day until the moment before i sleep, and the same 8 hours sleep as i usually do in a normal day.



4 July

Back in action!

Airplanes do look like birds :)

And you know what, my JetStar flight got delayed (instead of my outgoing TigerAir flight). Yday morning, got an SMS from jetstar about the 1hr delay to 750pm. Not a bad service huh. And my check-in bag came out first on the carousel.
2 weeks ago, it was the last few and i saw my bag being transported onto the plane last. So that make sense, last in, first out from the plane, but last on the carousel. Not sure how yday’s work tho. I checked in quite early for the new departure time, but very late for the original dep time. And the girl who was a few ppl in front of me in the check-in queue had her bag on the carousel right after me. Actually, i guess it can still be logical if she’s the last person to check in for the flight and i’m the last. Haha. And in order for that to happen, that means most of the other passengers didn’t know about the delay before hand?

O well... not very important.

Better go slp now... i have 6 eps of kangxi and 2 eps of PS man to catch up on tomorrow. haha

20 june 1019pm

3rd TigerAIrways flight in one week, 1 got delayed for 1hr. tgt with the 2 TT i had last year, 1 in 5 got delayed, doesn't sound that bad ey? but i still want to believe that i'm just lucky. haha!! should still consider other airlines unless TT is a lot more cheaper. well perhaps i should say this after my Jetstar flight back to melb.

during the 2hr flight, the lady sitting on the same row as me, on the right side of the aisle started to throw up abt 45mins after the plane took off. the fligth attendants had to 'evacuate' the passenger sitting next to her, and the other passenger on the left side of the aisle. apparently that's part of their protocols.

felt lucky that i never had motion sickness on airplanes. (don’t jinx myself!!)
Feel lucky that I can afford my own flight tix, can afford a father’s day present, can afford a nice meal for myself, can afford a weekend holiday in Sydney.
Thinking back about what I have so far, I must say I’m a very very lucky person.
I don’t know how to swim, but my si4 zhi1 jian4 quan2
I don’t know how to dance, but I have a ‘near-perfect’ pitch for music, I can sing quite well.

I was quite well-known in primary schools for being good in inter-school singing competitions, story-telling competitions, good results in studies, MC of the school assembly, raised the flag during school assembly. While in secondary school, I ‘toned-down’ a lot, I’m not a loud student in school, the head-master didn’t know my name (I think) but still, I never been worse than top 20 in my class and there are at least 600 ppl in the same year and I’m always in the best class. My parents never have to worry about my studies, never had to pay for tuition, the money was ‘invested’ on my piano lessons instead :$

I’m lucky enough to have the opportunity to learn piano, that is one of the things I never regret doing and am absolutely thankful to my parents for that. And I’m also very thankful to my parents for paying for my braces :D

I’m not sure how long I can live for. Since I was little, I did think about death, and I’m still upset abt it. I stop myself from thinking about the fact that every human being has to die one day and after that moment, you don’t know where you’re going to end up in, don’t know what’s going to happen. And I don’t know when am I going to lose my family (I’m not cursing them!) T_T. Eventhough I’m a Buddhist, I didn’t know too much abt buddhism. I guess even if I hear or read abt it, I’m too scientific to believe anything 100/100 :S (that reminds me that I should find out the mechanics behind airplanes before my next flight. Haha!)

Life is short. I can’t wait to finish my PhD and to start the next stage of my life. There’re still many things I want to do, many places I want to go, many things I want to own…

Was driving brother’s rented car in melb city. You know what, it felt good! Haha! I want my own car! But yea I know that’s not practical at the moment since I’m living in the city and ‘work’ near the city. Hmm… Canadians do drive a lot yea? Lol

I think I’m getting a lot of attention in my student life prior to starting my PhD. It’s within these 2.5 years that I have moments of ‘serious’ disappointments and frustration about my study and phd is a big part of my life at the moment. But i don’t regret doing what I’m doing.

*yawn* should go to sleep now, going to MovieWorld tomorrow! :D 1052pm.



21June 9.46pm

I nearly crash our car on our way back from MovieWorld!!!!! >.<

Mum, dad and aunt were in the car. None of them ‘scolded’ me this time, thank them for that. But I feel bad :S well, I did learn some lessons today.

It’s not easy to please our parents. It’s difficult to please our relatives visiting from home. There’re a lot of differences in living in Australia compared to back home. Food is different, weather different, way of eating is different, way of cooking is different, way of treating strangers is different. So if they’re not used to things here, but insist of doing things in their way, that will become a conflict unless there’s a reason of their persistence, then I can accept.

Well, 2 weeks… I can tahan. And I’m also a ‘guest’, so… the most ‘cham’ person is not me.

Luckily I brought Toto over. :)



23 June 1059pm

Been driving for 4 consecutive days. I’m surprised that after the 2 near crashes, my mum changed from not being confident with my driving, to calling me ‘the driver’. Eventhough 3 of the 4 days are short drives to the shopping mall or grocery stores, I feel tired to drive anymore. :S can imagine how tiring it is for ppl who need to drive to work every day. Driving is such a tiring thing to do. I remember asking my dad when I was little, asking him how he feels about driving, whether it’s a stressful thing to do or it’s ‘fun’ (as in a pleasure thing to do). Can’t rmb what exactly he answered, but he didn’t say it’s stressful. Perhaps driving in somewhere you’re familiar with will feel different. These few days I’ve been driving with the GPS, I can’t recognise where I’m going when I’m driving with the GPS, I’m sure I will recognise the ways if I drive without it. But because no one else in the car knows the way, I don’t want to turn it off just in case we get lost. But I’m trying to remember where we went and figure out the way back before the instructions given out by the GPS. Don’t know what they’ll do here after I go back :S I guess someone just has to learn the roads or lean to drive with the GPS.

Was going through the photos we took at MovieWorld. I took a photo for my parents at the MW entrance. Saw dad holding mum’s hand in that photo, aww… gan3 dong4 :`)

When we’re in a new place, somewhere we’re unfamiliar with, a young kid will need time and parents’ effort for the kid to settle down and get used to things there; an average young adult will probably adapt to the place easier; it’s interesting to see that when it comes to the older adults they want to do things in their usual way, if that is not allowed, they won’t be happy and will change things there to suit their usual habits. I’m happy to sleep in a room with just a mattress on the floor, a pillow and quilt blanket, I’ll leave my clothes in/on my bags, put my other belongings on the floor next to the matress. I won’t complain that there’s nowhere to hang my clothes, no bedside table or something to put my glasses. Hmm…

Feel more secured to live in an apartment compared to a landed property. Maybe that’s the paranoid me.

My holiday is getting boring now… I want to go lepak in the city!!!
11.31pm Zzz…

you see,
i like Hershey's chocolates,
and i'm starting to like


and i'm sick of many websites which when you choose your 'region', Australia is part of 'asia pacific' or even worse 'global/others' but not one by itself.

.
.
.

don't you agree i should move to Canada? wahaha

but then, i don't like to wear scarf during winter (there's a reason of course).
will i survive the cold?


i'm starting to feel that my phd is starting to get some positive returns.
first, my abstract was accepted as an oral presentation in the coming ASMR student symposium (that's tomorrow!!!) although i'm 1 out of 90 over applicants and there are 48 chosen for orals. so far i only have poster presentations in all the conferences i attended because my results aren't good enough to deserve an oral.
then today i just got told that my first paper is accepted in the American Journal of Human Genetics. i'm in the middle of the list of 12 authors and i must say i only contributed a little bit in that paper. thanks to my supervisor who really 'fights' for his staffs/students. he makes sure our name is on the paper if we deserve it.
and i've 'given' molecular diagnoses for patients from 4 families all within this year. and hopefully many more to come.
so fingers crossed and hope my luck in research is with me :)

life is more exciting when you have something to countdown to

mondays are better when it is a 4-day week
tuesdays are better when you're going for a movie with some friends after work
wednesdays are better when ... i have a good (happy) meeting with my bosses
thursdays are better when it's a pay week??
fridays are better when you don't have to work on weekends
saturdays are better when you know there's another day before monday comes
sundays are better when monday is a public holiday. haha!!

__________

as i'm abt to go home at the end of the day, i switched off my computer, took my stuff with me and
i actually looked at the monitor and said 'bye bye Hapy' softly!!! (It's a HP computer)
and i did name my laptop Toto!
am i crazy or something?!?!
i guess i'm not too crazy yet coz at least i realise what i'm doing. haha!

一个工作效率还好，忙多一点就唉声叹气的同事，
在一个lunch break 之后开玩笑地问我，、
'Have you found your pineapple? i saw you're looking for pineapples in your facebook.'
我就问，她有没有在玩，
她回答说，'I have better things to do than playing games on facebook'
我猜她是在lunch time 用她的 iphone 上网时看到的
我到现在都还记得，就知道 1）我是小气的人 2）我听了有不爽
当然我知道她可能没有要讽刺我还是怎样。
但到现在每当我上fb,就会想起那句话 :X

Brekky

i would say that my fav meal of the day is breakfast.
savoury or sweet, sometimes i can't decide until i hv the menu in front of me.
a breakfast eat-out will almost certain start me off a happy day.
i feel satisfied after a good breakfast.
mayb it's the coffee, the caffeine-adrenaline effect?

i started hving more breakfast outings this year: Cafe Plum, Fraus, Le Petit Gateau, Fandango and McD of course :) on weekdays, before going to work.
even a takeaway coffee with Krispy Kreme doughnuts or takeaway pretzels from the Pretzel World can live up my weekday mornings.

i have to have some food in the mornings, whether it's at home or in a cafe or on the tram or in the office. i'm happy to wake up little earlier (or the same time as usual depending on where's the breakfast at) to go out for a nice breakfast before work, or go to the lab earlier with an empty stomach, set up my experiment and then go down to McD for my breakfast.

actually, breakfast being my fav meal might be partly due to that it is the only meal i can make myself eat-out alone.
ie i cannot have lunch or dinner by myself in a restaurant, i feel awkward for some reason. not that i've done it before, i rather grab 2 sushi rolls or even just boost juice.

love breakfast

sigh sigh sigh

was already in my bed, lights off
but things were still spinning in my head
turned on my bedside lamp, went out of my bed, clicked the battery onto my laptop, and brought it to my bed
here we go...


'they probably hv other groups of friends who are closer and more active
but me, eventhough i'm busy, i still like to catch up with my friends even for quick dinner or lunch
you need to eat anyhow right?!
so, i need more friends'
'no u need close friends'
'i already hv 3 bunch of close friends, who......'
(maybe i need to re-define'close friends')

'it's just how you prioritise stuff
it's all abt priority
you prioritse ur own time
u prioritise ur friends'
'come come
come uk
we blow water together
lol'
'u reminded me of another problemi hv
i feel that i'm not gd enough to get a job oseas
yday, i felt so stupid!
...
this is not the first time i have this feeling
but yday again
T_T'

_____________

'and i don't like ppl where they say things but don't do'
(if you don't mean it, don't say it! unfortunately, i can remember things you think i wouldn't remember)

_____________

'u are not comming back to K.L during CNY?'
'i'm not sure yet coz i want to tke some extra holidays if i' going to conference overseas next year and also next year waipo's big bday right?'
'so 90 years next year?'
'yaya she told me tht hopefully everyone can go bck for her bday next year'
'90 years b day should celebrate! if she told u that'
'that was few months ago lar she told me, or mayb last year? she hasn't mentioned to me again the last time i talk ed to her on the phone'
'i am thinking of taking her (my wai po) for your graduation!'
'ya but i don't know when is that yet'



~gd nite~

hmm... how nice if
i can hv each of my (close) friends to 'sponsor' me CDs for the singers i like.
and they don't have to get me present on my bday anymore :) even if the singer they are 'in-charge of' doesn't have an album tht year. haha!
and it's rarely tht the same singer will have more than one album in the same year. even if there are more than one a year, you can pick either one since you'll know exactly which one i have or i don't. haha!
but if that singer retires, i can 'assign' a new singer to him/her :)

Have this plan together with a friend to get a job overseas when i finish my phd. UK and Canada are our top-picks :) since it should be easier to adapt into an english-speaking country
well she'll want to go a year ahead of me since she's already working now and her contract ends end of this year.
i've been wanting to finish my phd ASAP but having this plan/vision/dream makes me want to finish even faster. and besides that, is for my grandma.

she's been saying tht she wants to see me graduate. in almost every phone conversations i had with her since i started my phd.
but in our last phone conversation, she added that she also wants to see all of us grandchildren get married. T_T and i'm her youngest grandchild. i am worried that i'm going to disappoint her.
*touchwood! she's going to be able to see that herself!

she's turning 89 this year. she's still healthy and all, but you know, anything can happen to anyone at any age, not to say she's 89.
i even had this naive thought that, so what if i don't get married soon then she'll stay on to wait for her wish which means i can keep her for longer?
T_T

我忍!
我不知道，不要管!
whatever!

-----------------------

不要来跟我讲找不到我，
因为你们根本没有在找。

其实我也没有很屑

已经学着把很多事情都看轻了
因为学会了
人家根本不是用心想做
我又何必那么认真


可是恐怖的是，
我竟然能够说服了自己，
剩下一只眼睛，我还是可以活下去
我什么时候变得这么乐观？！
莫名其妙！！

夜深了

想多了

想惯了
做够了
盼过了

听烦了
烦厌了
忍久了

苯极了

等腻了
猜傻了
心麻了

我累了

hmm... should i take up swimming lessons?

wei... those ppl who are reading, please say something leh!!!!
feel so stupid talking here to myself :S

yes, eventhough noone's reading this, i still want to blog. coz the more i think the more i'm pissed...

how can a person in the room not knowing the other person is doing the vacuum in the living room and the bathroom??!! the bathroom is right outside of her room!!!!!
i don't think my vacuum cleaner is that quiet lor
unless she's on her earphones in the room?!
shit, why do i bother finding explanation for her?!

when she just moved in, we both agreed to share the housework, which only include vacuuming the living area, kitchen and bathroom, plus washing toilet bowl and tidy the sink area in the bathroom. once every week, take turns
this was a year ago! yes!! one year already!!!! all went well
but recently, i notice there are more and more things that i have to put up with.
few weeks ago, she's suppose to do the cleaning, we usualy do it on the weekend, if busy weekend, monday or tuesday sometimes.
but that weekend, she postponed till the following thursday which is her off day (her off day is not on a fixed day every week).
ok fine, i wasn't upset or anything. so the following week is my turn, insteaed of doing it on the weekend which is just 2 3 days after she did the cleaning, i did it on the following wednesday to spread it out a bit.
that wednesday, i did it after i came back from work, and she was in her room. i actually did that purposely so to lt her know that i already done mine that week.
but i was wrong, she didn't know it's her turn the following week.
i'm hoping for too much or she's just dumb?!

so 1.5 weeks (since it was wednesday the last time) had gone, yday i asked her if she cleaned last weekend and she said she thought it's her turn this week. (that's how i find out she didn't know abt what i did 1.5weeks ago)
ok, then you just do urs this week lor.
but she told me, if she's not too tired tmr when she comes back from work, she'll do it, tmr = monday. if not, she'll do it on her off day, which is on thursday.
wth... you can spend the entire weekend at ur bf's place (whatever she has to do lar), but you can't do the cleaning?! i already cannot tahan the bathroom floor and the toilet bowl and the sink. for sure u're ok with it coz ure not at home mar?! or u're used to this at home?!
for me, even if i had to do it after work, i'll still do it no matter how hungry i was how tired i was.
so i said i'll swap with her, i'll do it tmr = monday.
and i am so going to do this at night when she's at home
oh and another thing i just realised.... she cannot tell that did the cleaning when the bathroom floor doesnt have a single hair?!
arghhhhhh is that real dumb or not observant?!

i can imagine ppl living in rented property/hostel,
someone like her
doesn't care abt the place you live in,
none of her business

i'm not a fussy person in terms of cleanliness, coz i only see what i can see in front of me, the obvious ones.

why do i always have problem with my housemates?!
this one is worse, after 10 months only problemssss started appearing
and because our mums are good friends, i really dont' want to make things look bad

i wasn't angry abt her not noticing my vacuum sound
but her lack of responsiblity
or i should say her tolerance to the 'dirtiness' is better thn mine?!
so it's all my fault lar

that is just one of the issues i have,
i shall stop here...
won't let her spoil my last day of easter long weekend
wth!

世上只有爸妈好

was telling my mum on msn abt my wisdom teeth story
she ended up calling me,
saying i should go back for the surgery, so that ‘爸爸妈妈可以煮好料给你吃’when i can't hv solid food for few days after the surgery
听到这个，我就哭了... T_T

bro said he'll ask around his friends about how ppl deal with wisdom teeth in msia, coz he seldom heard ppl surgically remove theirs in kl
一讲完，他就po 在他的facebook status 了
aww.... :')

dad said i could have gone back for the 4 days easter break
he said that too for the labour day long weekend
sigh...

looking at friend's photos on facebook,
she's gone back to KL after her studies in melbourne
seen photos of her with her family and highschool classmates

will i be happier if i'm home?
yes and no

yes -> when i'm bored, on public holidays when i hv no plans for
no -> don't know what i'll be happy to do, to earn for a living :S

_____________________________

was QUEUEING up at the tix machine to buy movie tix
left a gap between me and the person in front who was using the machine (i respect ppl's personal space, i don't like to stand too close to ppl in a queue)
a couple (an asian girl with a cauacasian guy) came and slipped into the gap right in front of me
was so @#$!@#!$% at that point, staring at them from their backs while trying hard to think of something polite to say to them
after abt 40secs? the guy suddenly turned back to me and seemed to realise my existence and then he asked and i said yes and he apologised, and they went to another queue

so, if from the beginning he didn't realise i was there, he wouldn't have asked if i was queueing first before him right? he would have just stood there, even if he sees me when he turned around, and won't ask me that question right?
therefore he was actually WAITINGfor me to say something?

>.<

so next time what should i say to ppl like this who cut my queue??? in a polite way

连拔智慧牙（全身麻醉然后一次过四颗拿掉），
医生说，'get someone to come with you'
>.<
...
是怕万一醒不来，
还是怕麻醉药没完全退就要‘送客’了

又是一个无聊的周日
要是有labwork, 我一定又跑去当一天的免费劳工。
所以今天就被逼乖乖地在家呆了一天
不想出去逛，因为city已经被我在前几天都cover了七七八八，没什么想看的了，也不想让自己又有机会花钱 :$

最近喜欢去 无名小站 看别人的blog,尤其是艺人的blog

我一向不太去看星座的东西，因为我认为怎么可能把复杂的人类轻易地归类成12种呢？
但今天我google了‘星座’first hit 进去再继续link, 看到了：

成也魔羯败也魔羯(图)http://www.sina.com.cn

2010年02月05日 14:17 新浪星座

...魔羯真是一个十分敏感的星座，他能够通过一件小事看透一个人，也十分了解什么是好的，什么是适合社会的，同时，魔羯又是一个极其爱自我怀疑的星座，他清楚自己的阴暗气质，所以往往不敢完全肯定自己的分析。所以，魔羯其实很容易上当受骗，也很容易受伤害。可是，另一方面，因为他们天生的敏感，也很容易察觉到自己被骗了，这时他们极端的性格再次发挥作用：当他们看到别人表现出好的一面时，对别人的信任是绝对的，不参杂的；而当他们发现，即使是一件为不足道的小事上的欺骗，他们就绝不会再信任了。
... 和魔羯接触过的人都会认为他们脾气很好 (i don't think so)，好的似乎发傻。其实他们并不是脾气好，只是他们很会装，他们了解身边的朋友的性格，所以他们在包容对方，就算你做了什么过分的事，他们也早就想好对方为什么会这样做。
　　最明显一点，你们可以去看看身边魔羯的朋友，无论你怎么做做什么，魔羯都不会很惊讶的，其实他们已经知道你为什么会这样了。
　　魔羯的人都很没有安全感，他们喜欢在别人面前装傻。
　　他们有装傻的天赋，他们认为只有傻子才会不牵扯到任何伤害，与其做一个聪明的人，不如当一个傻子平凡而又随意。
...魔羯很珍惜朋友，他们最希望获得朋友的信任，如果从一个朋友那里得不到信任，他不会再与这个朋友交往下去。
...魔羯非常重视人与人之间的规则，就是所谓的君子可以欺之以方。一旦魔羯发现大家都不遵守规则，只是拿规则来限制自己的时候，经过内心痛苦挣扎之后，魔羯就会将所有感情和软弱一脚踹开。当初他有多大的克制力让自己遵守规则，那么现在的魔羯就有多强的铁腕来自己制定规则。
... 魔羯像狼，独断、机警、诡诈、阴险、执着、冷傲，无一不在魔羯身上体现。
爱情方面魔羯很少会主动。
　　更惨的是，能让他们爱上的人也可能是百年难得一遇……结果就是……也许会孤独终老。(>.<)
　　不是物质，不是实际。爱情婚姻上，是对自己和对方的要求很高，精神层面尤甚。宁缺勿滥。(absolutely spot on)
　　如果他爱你，你就什么都不用做，因为他都会帮你做；如果他不爱你，你也什么都不用做，因为做了也没用。
　　不容易投入一份感情，一旦投入了就是全身心的。

好无奈哦！

为什么一个人去电影院看戏感觉会怪怪的？
没有人规定去电影院一定要多过一个人去，可是我还是过不了自己那关。:S
三/四年前我一个人去看了DaVinciCode，在快要下画的时候去的，那时候的那个session没有多过二十位观众吧，我坐在最后一排中间的位子，和我同一排的，还有另一位中年妇女，还带了自己的被单。也不记得当时自己去看的感觉是怎样的了。
可是我还是做不到第二次。
因为朋友的兴趣不同，时间难乔，比较难找人一起看戏了 :(

so happen to walk into a shop just now, and bought myself two pieces of clothings, at a total of $64.90
but i can't get myself to pay $75 for a key pouch which i've been eyeing at for almost 4 months, excluding the internet browsing!!! :S

and, a key pouch will probably last me longer than those 2 clothes. plus i use the key pouch every single day whereas i don't wear those 2 clothings everyday :S

mayb because the key pouch is from a brand of one of the 'luxurious goods', well, semi-luxurious lar, which made me think it's un-neccessary?

this key pouch, is one of the 'irrational things to do and will make me happy' from the previous post i wrote here.

hmm.... perhaps it's not too late for a belated bday present for myself ;)

小S 把演艺圈的八卦`秘密和大S分享,
那，我可以把朋友的八卦`秘密和谁分享呢？？

我忍。。。 >.< .

我是看《芝麻街》长大的 :)

无端端

突然发现，从下个月到八月份，每个月都有一个值得我期待的事情 :)

四月份
林俊杰演唱会
yes! bought tix!!! and very happy with the seats we've got :)
and on the day i planned to get tix from the official ticketing place, my colleague fwd me an email, monash chinese student society selling those tix at $10 cheaper, more than 5 tix bought can get a free AUTOGRAPHED CD.
so i called the person and so happen that she's in the city that day. so i got the tix and the cd and a poster from her that same day after work.
eventhough there are a few dodgy-ness about the cd, but i'm just going to ignore that and believe it's a genuine one. lol.



checked the seating plan, those seat numbers look right to me :$

五月份
FAME the musical with my colleagues :)
Simone started organising this few weeks ago. eventhough this musical is not on my priority list this year, since it's a musical and Fame is a classic(?) so, wouldn't mind going at all

六月份
brisbane to visit my famiy :)
haven't told my supervisor about taking a week off for this, but i'm sure he'll be fine with that. he never turn down any of my leave so far, all he said last time was, i'm entitled to have 20days off a year.

七月份
Marry Poppins the musical!
this is on my priority list. bought tix in jan
looking fwd to this since last year :$ so it better be good! haha

八月份
SinYee my best friend in highschool is coming to melb for a holiday
will be staying with me for a few days, all weekdays tho :S
told her to have at least a weekend in melb but well, either she forgot or can't get the tix. but then she's going to syd after melb on a weekend.
o well... will see what i can do.



those are my 'highlight of the month' up till august.
i want more :)

加油!

usualy when i listen to a song, i will only remember the melody, but don't even listen to the lyrics. so usually the first time i see the lyrics is from the ktv version.

since 无端端 got this 林俊杰 - 100天 CD for free (wil explain how later), i picked up the booklet and hv a close look at the lyrics while listening to the song.
I like this one:

<加油!>
最近你好吗 少了一点微笑
说的话有点少 最近我也不好
全世界都在逆转
人开始反向思考

发现你爱的人到处跑
昨晚刚升职 今天被炒
莫名其妙 谁会知道
是不是上天开的玩笑
地震时 你想和谁拥抱
什么是生命中的美好
轻易放掉 却不知道
幸福就在下一个转角
说一声加油 一切更美好
所有的悲伤 请往边靠
曾经流过的泪 湿了伤口就让
阳光晒干而褪
这一种加油 人人都需要
手牵手我们一起赛跑
说好不见不散 每分每秒守候你到老

The beat goes on 时间它一直走
就像是 Life goes on 这过程或许痛
不管顺流或逆流 你总得抬起头
让我们一起走 走过艰难和困惑

关关是难关 但我们关关过
雨后天晴的阳光在天空闪闪
所出现了彩虹 忽然间我们才懂
如果这是一场马拉松 那我们一起加油

i want to do something irrational but will make me happy >.<

eg ...

fly to somewhere for a weekend, or

buy something i like but is unnecessary

complaining again

basically i hang out most with 3 groups of friends...

group A,
80% of our outings/gatherings were initiated and organised by me. and a pesky scientist like me are now doing a little experiment, i'm not going to initiate any gathering from now on, no matter how much i miss them or how bored i am :S
but i can't say that they don't care about me or us each other. coz, we go to each others' graduation, most of them remember my bday, we can talk about almost everything, they all showed effort (to come) when i organised bday gatherings, and they did think of me when they have some free tix :(

group B,
so far we're doing quite well, one gathering every month, everyone took turns to organise. except that this year's cny, i waited (on purpose) to see if anyone is organising the cny dinner/lunch/watever, until it was abt 5 days before cny and i couldn't tahan anymore and end up organising a dinner with them. :(

group C,
half of the ppl in this group do organise meet-ups and gatherings, whereas the other half never. :S
feel bit weird with that other half of this group. we do ask them out together but why they never do it the other way round? coz they know the other half will? or they just don't bother to?


everyone has a different role among their friends.
but i'm tired of being the active one, until i started to think whether they actually care abt each other.
okok, i'm sure they care, mayb they're just busy and have other friends around who don't complain like i do.
too bad... new friends are hard to find nowadays :S

好一句‘家里没教’！
帮我息了不少怒，就除了那些‘我家也没教’的 :S

——————————————————————————

要是我的英文也可以像我的‘台湾华语’这样进步就好了
should watch more tv then :P

sigh...
80% not gg to an international conference this year. :(
just had my end of 2nd year review meeting with my supervisors.
my supervisor said it's better for me to go to one early or mid next yr instead of the one i wanted to go to this year.
reasons are very understandable and reasonable.
i completely understand how is it like going to a conference with a poster without a conclusion. have been to 3 national conferences so far and all of my 3 posters are very similar and miserable.
unless miracle happens, it's unlikely that i'll have a good abstract to be submitted in june for the nov conference :(
sien...

first there's the ESHG conference in june, then this ASHG in nov. all disappointments :S
or should i be optimistic and keep my fingers crossed that the miracle will happen before june?!

looking at the timeline of my phd progress,
i should start intensive writing of my thesis around this time next year,
and submit it before sept next year.
sounds very scary!! it's going to happen so so soon
because nowadays uni is more strict with phd students applying for 2nd extension, i should aim to hand in by the end of my 3.5 years
which is good in a way coz i just CAN'T WAIT to graduate!!
but on the other hand, going out to the world on my own as a postdoc just sound so scary. the title of being a Postdoc is just too big too heavy.
still can't imagine myself as a postdoc in a lab.

_____________________________

i'm tired of myself being paranoid and pessimistic most of the time
and i'm also annoyed by ppl around me who are not mindful abt what's happening around them or even in front of them!
especialy when that affects my convinience. >.<

_____________________________

for the past 2 - 3 weeks, i've been to a doctor (in order to get referred to), an eye specialist, a dental appointment and nearly to a dermatologist
>.<
cut the long story short,
my eyes are fine, well apparently the problem i'm having is normal for highly myopic ppl like me but not most others :S
but the feeling that something really bad is happening to my eyes that i could lose my eyesight was really really really bad. that was before i went to see the eye specialist. He was very optimistic and said there's nothing i can do, if it's going to happen, it will happen. so just enjoy life.

and i'm not finished with my dental 'adventure' yet
but i can still afford to put it aside for the moment, due to financial reason.

____________________________

ok... i feel a little bit better now
time for dinner... indomee.

yesterday (sunday),
went to lab in the morning, for abt 1.5 hours.
then it was one something pm i think,
went to vicmart, wanted to hv some spanish doughnuts coz i hdn't had lunch and need some sugar, so decided to get 3 before i even reach the stall.
at the doughnut stall, the guy was telling the lady in front of me she has to wait for a little while for her 7 (or 9? can't rmb) doughnuts to be ready.
then he told me to wait for 1 minute (yes he said 'one minute') straight away.
so i took out my $3 coins, waited...
10 secs later, a guy came, he got asked how many he wants, he said 2.
and so he got 2 doughnuts plus 1 for free!
the point is not that he got a free doughnut,
but there were at least 3 doughnuts sitting there but the guy didn't even ask how many i want.
so i just bushuang
walked away after thinking bushuang-ly for like 3 secs whether i should wait

went to have chocolate ice cream instead eventhough i shoudln't :S


so, am i immature, impatient, or what?!

Feel like learning ice-skating :P
anyone?

There's a new ice skating rink, Icehouse just opened few weeks ago, at Docklands

2nd time spending cny in melbourne without my family, without red packets, without mahjong and without big family meals
don't remember the first time being this miserable, tht was 3 years ago, after my 3rd year ugrad, because my honours started earlier than other departments (and normal uni semestr). can't rmb how was it like anymore.
parts of melbourne was flooding on thursday, both of my parents and my aunt called from overseas to make sure i'm alright. (yes, mum and dad called separately) T_T

adding on to my 'new years resolution':
never spend cny without my family ever again.
so either go home, or go to my brother's place!
even if it's on a weekday (which usually is i think), take leave! don't care!
i don't take xmas/new year off anyway, so i deserve this holiday.

i don't go back for cny this year is because i just came back in early dec after going back for my bro's wedding. so bro's wedding vs cny, if you are to pick one, which one to choose? of course the first one, right?!
so it's a bit too frequent to go back again, in terms of money spent on airfare, and days taken off work. i need to save up some days off for the holiday after the conference which i really really want to go in nov.

good that i'm at least going to a conference on sunday, which is the first day of cny. then i'll be surrounded by ppl, won't feel so lonely.
but i'll hv to make myself occupied at home the night before when other ppl are happily having their reunion dinner home sweet home :(
will have opening ceremony of the winter olympics on tv with me, while packing up and preparing myself for tmr's conference :)

What's bothering me...

Chern 帧 ~ said:
u know wat
i was so excited abt this conference in DC in early nov
then few days ago so happen that i read the newspaper online, saw that there MIGHT be a terrorist threat in the US in the next 6 months or so
then i panic liao
thinking whether i shoud still go to the conf or not!
see i don't read the newspaper everyday
but when i read it that day, i saw that news

My friend said:
u do know that the risk of a terrorist attack is way wayyyyyy lower then an accident on the road?

Chern 帧 ~ said:
i know
but
aiya dunno leh
but if i do go to the conference, will that increase my risk?
(talking to an actuarist ha) haha

My friend said:
lol meh it will increase by a tiny weeney amount

Chern 帧 ~ said:
aih
and i'm a paranoid person ar
u know i was even worried abt the swine flu vaccine last time!

My friend said:
exactly!
ppl should stop being paranoid

Chern 帧 ~ said:
but i can't help it!
i've always been paranoid
i think a lot

My friend said:
well relax la
need to learn to relax a bit

Chern 帧 ~ said:
but then
tht's wat a scientist need to be
think a lot

My friend said:
thinks a lot =/= paranoid

Chern 帧 ~ said:
and paranoid so taht they'll be careful abt things an be sure things were done correctly
eii i go shower first
ttyl

======================

Chern 帧 ~ said:
i think i just cannot pretend i'm very enthu when i find out abt ppl
coz i know too much
like i already know from dunno where/who
then when the person tell me 'in person' i'm like oh... but just cannot gv the reaction
:S

A friend said:
haha

Chern 帧 ~ said:
very sien de leh
dont laugh :(
sometimes i really wish i'm dumb-er
not showing off here
but really
:(
can be a boring person




eh eh don't get offended!!
when i say dumb, i don't mean everyone else is dumb.
and i don't mean that ppl who doesn't know what i knew is considered dumb.
ahh.... hope u know what i mean :$

========================

i think this blog is just another word document of mine except it's saved online.
because
noone really give me response abt what the thoughts i'm sharing here. yes SHARING without know who else is sharing with me
maybe coz what's written here is too 'heavy' to be commented on?
or maybe noone actually read it (but from the counter, i'm not the only visitor)
or maybe you think there's nothing to be commented on?
:S

========================

for the first time,
i'm hoping the CNY goes by quickly

A nice song :)

i want to go to the conference in DC!! very very badly!!! AAAAHHHHHHHH

now it's end of jan 2010...
next thing to look fwd to is perhaps the Lorne conference in mid feb. but first i have to 'get through' the family matter... >.<

then it'll be mid june, a trip to brisbane maybe? :)

then mid july, Mary Poppins!

then that's it!!!!!
nothing else to look fwd to!! :(

hopefully there's a trip to the States in oct/nov for me XP


and i want to graduate quickly!!!!!!!!!!!
was talking on the phone with my wai po...
she asked me when i'm graduating T_T
and she wants to see all of us get married T_T

dad likes my driving license number! lol
quote from mum: 'dad said the number is beautiful!!... (after a few minutes)... can play TOTO also hah! ha!'

i still couldn't believe i passed my driving test

now i understand why kids get tired after they cried a lot
but i don't rmb kids get puffy eyes after they cried a lot
:S

what a start of 2010 for me...
from the first day of the year, an un-received 'sms delivered' status msg hinted the bad news abt my supervisor,
Denise, who was diagnosed with pancreatic and ovary cancer passed away on sunday.
she's always been in good spirit since the end of 08.
things started to worsen in nov/dec last year, and went down the slope very quickly since then.
she came back to the lab from 2 year potdoc-ing overseas in april when i was doing my hons, then became one of my supervisors since i started phd, which was less than a yr before the diagnosis.
our desks are just next to each other, we shared the same computer, she's always earlier than me, saw her at work every single day. would ask her to go for tea togther (and canny) especially when Erin's not working.
she's always been a cheerful person, always being supportive. even if she might not the best person to supervise this project, i did learn from her, she's the one to go to when i'm in doubt with anything, she's always been a good listener.
i will be ok...
the fact that i won't see someone ever again is not going to slip away from my mind easily...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

another farewell (but will definitely say hi again) happens 2 days after that (which is today)...
late 08, grace went back after she graduated,
then diana in early 09,
then maybelle,
then tzechien,
then yoketheng,
then antyboy,
today shiyang.
i'm only left with abt 2/3 of my close friends in melb.

Happy New Year!!
010110 today...
didn't rmb what i did last year over the new year countdown :S did i see fireworks? or i was at karaoke like this year? confused with my xmas eve. :S
anyways....
didn't see live fireworks this time.
hope to watch syd fireworks with my bare eyes one day.
hmm... sydney... hvn't been there since... at least 3 years back?
syd is somewhere i like to go for a holiday (dont think i'll prefer to live there vs melb), close to melb, but is different enough for me to have a break from melb.

2010... as for the past 2 years, i've listed out my 'new year resolution' here...
ppl always say new year resolutions are never real, but for me, usually they're pretty close lol. perhaps that's becoz i wasn't being too ambitious abt myself.

i'm foreseeing 2010 as a year busy with my phd, 2 conferences that i want to go, something POSITIVE in my phd project MUST happen this year!!! or else i'll be x_x
well 2 small positives (from a side project) had happened just before xmas, hope that's a good sign for more to come.
still don't hv a solid plan to visit home, but i think it's still quite possible to 'shun bian' do so if i get to go to the conference in nov.

and
i should learn to be more forgetful on things i shouldn't rmb;
i should learn to look at certain things with one eye closed;
i should learn to enjoy my life more coz it can be very short;
i should learn to be more talkative to 'strangers' (well not random ppl on the street lar, but more like ppl at work for example, ppl whom i'm not close friends with).
that's pretty much what i can think of now.

only had abt 6 hours sleep before my mum woke me up with a 'happy new year' greeting.

oh and...
hope my sibilings are doing well with what they're doing. i really really sincerely hope everything goes well for them, both of them.
hope us kids won't let our parents down.

Do you know that you can watch msian 8TV online??!!
well not all shows on air will be able to stream, but programmes like 8pm chinese news which will be useful when parents come over to visit, can let them watch msian news here since my dad likes to be updated with all that.

again... i'm taking things too seriously.
i remember things that ppl said when they don't mean it. (but i don't seem to rmb things that i should rmb)
or mayb they really forgot?
or it's just because i'm too 天真? :S

i'm actually excited abt xmas, boxing day, and that long wkend :)
but i'm nervous and scared abt the new year :Z
and i'm gg to be one year older soon!!! >.<
won't be in the 18-24 category for any longer!! :(

虎年要来了！

a 2008 CNY song by myFM (msia radio station) DJ and Astro新秀
still my fav

won't be home for cny 2010 :(


2010 Astro CNY songs are out:



looking at the names of ppl who appeared in the video... i don't know most of them anymore :(


I only know KK from this one!!!

My new fav :)

this is how my beloved camera looks like at the moment :(
'critically injured'
can still take photos (lens is fine) but the LED screen is gone

my friend dropped it at the airport :(
and i don't know why i didn't insist on him replacing me one, or at least pay for the repair. so stupid of me!
was sorting out the photos i took with it during my trip last nite, the more i look at the photos, the more i'm angry and sad.

went to a few shops today after work,
a comparable Sony nowadays at Ted's is selling at 248 i think i saw at the shop just now but i'm not sure coz online it says 299, need to go back to the shop again. otherwise, another shop is selling at 278 (their online catalogue)
and it (W230) only has 4X zoom (vs 5X in my W150) and has no view-finder (that little hole that you can use to take photos instead of using the screen) eventhough it has a bigger LED screen (3' vs 2.7') and higher mpxl (12 vs 8)
there're cheaper Sonys around, $188 but the lens is not as good, and it does make a difference. if buy, will buy sony so that i can still use my leather case, spare battery and memory stick.

repairing takes effort
unless i'm willing to wait for weeks to get the shop to send for repair (from my previous experience) plus it's xmas/new year soon so it'll take longer than usual (i think?)
it's still under 2 year warranty (yes it's still quite new!) but it's not manufacturing fault, don't think it's covered.
and don't know how much it'll cost.

should i still bring it to the shop and ask properly?
or just get a new one???

Peanuts

this is the first time i've watched animated Peanuts 'commic'
i used to like snoopy when i was in high school
yea.. used to... not so much anymore, well i don't hate it, just that i don't love it as much anymore.
brought me to this youtube video when i was looking for 'Vince Guaraldi', a jazz musician, "an American jazz musician and pianist best known for composing music for animated adaptations of the Peanuts comic strip" quote from wiki



like the ice-skating scene of this video
i grew up with a set of jigsaw puzzle (still have the vague picture in my head) of Peanuts characters on an iced lake, very similar to that in the video, which i've completed piece by piece over and over again :)

looking fwd to the one i'm not looking fwd to so that i can get to the one i'm looking fwd to next. lol!

just talked to dad.
i really wish i'm working now
so that i can earn money.

what's the best job for me?
i remember what i need to do (non-work-related things mostly),
by when i need to get them done,
and will be very happy and satisfied when i manage to get them all done on time.
i plan things ahead, (sometimes i think it's too much, should let go a bit) that's why don't like ppl make last minute changes or being late when i'm doing many other things to make sure i'm able to make it on time.
thinks i'm a control freak
able to tell unimportant things aren't done properly, eg powerpoint slides, font size, alignments
check most things carefully with my most observant eyes before i pay
...

Really looking fwd to my trip home... but not the goodbyes at the airport :( (not australian airports of course)

'it takes more muscles to frown than to smile'
but it takes no muscle to put up zero expression

Was touched by this (coz of my 'ppl-together-effort-weekness'):
Flash mob, Central Station Antwerp
and then the similar idea in KL (coz it happened in KL/msia!!)

there's one happened at Bondi early today



________________________

my project sucks!
felt shit this whole week. not the first time.
and was glad that my 15mins presentation in a 3.5 hr joint meeting yday got cancelled abt an hr before when i'm suppose to speak. was cancelled coz not enough time to fit me and another person's talk in, other speakers gone over-time, plus my stuff is still 'work-in-progress' aka 'no results yet'.
anyway i don't feel like talking abt my project at all (i'm usually happy to gv presentation) even thought of lying abt not bringing my slides with me :S
when ppl asked how's work/phd going... i don't say much coz i dont know what to say and i don't have anything to say!
*shouldn't have cont on this proj,
*shouldn't have doing phd
*should have also taken maths2 or even physics in trinity then get into dent if my parents are rich

hopefully you won't see me writing 'my supervisor sucks' here one day.
at the moment they are the only person who can help me with this.
will have a serious talk with them on wed, hope i won't cry in front of them T_T shit

_____________________________

stupid moth-season is here again :S

few weeks ago, while waiting for my tram in front of a Volks Wagen used-car dealer, looking at the beetles, i 'realised' that they actually look nice. Before that when i look at a beetle, it's just a normal car to me, normal as in i won't want one, just like a holden car :P
and on friday, i actually started to think mini coopers look nice too. and i wouldn't mind having one. compare to before that, i actually hate mini cooper and didn't understand why ppl would want such an ugly looking car.

taste changes.
but so far, my preference on food didn't change much. food i hated when i was little, i still hate it eventhough i gave it a try when i 'grew older'.

so i wonder... friends 'preference', belongs to which? cars or food?

I don't usually ask my parents' opinion when comes to buying things (with my own money).
why?
coz most of the time i ask for opinion, it'll end up to be... me explaining my reasoning, them listening, if they don't agree or have questions, i'll then explain, and at the end, they'll say it's up to me :S
so what's the point of asking?!?!?!

i never actually asked when i bought my piano.
i never asked when i bought my camera.
and of course, i never asked when i bought the wallet and the mimco.

and u know what, i actually thought of asking mum about the vacum cleaner!!!
so after the out of stock, i want to ask her again about the other options.
talked to her about it on msn for at least 15 mins and still didn't get any conclusion from her!!! been going around the circle. until i want to cry already!!
then finally she said she'll call me talk on the phone which i should have done from the beginning. then at the end of the phone conversation... she said it's up to me to make the decision :S
ARGHHHHHHHHH
i just want someone to tell me what to do when i had so much to consider about and i just couldn't make up my mind! and that's why i asked!!!
sigh...
think my parents respect us (me?) too much. well it is good, i shouldn't complain.
we get to choose which high school we want to go to.
i get to decide what course in uni i want to go to.
i get to decide where i want to live after i graduate (well so far they didn't say/hint anything about where they hope i'll work at after i grad)
but sometimes when i need opinion, talking to them usually doesn't help. :(
they probably don't want the blame if we've made the wrong choice if they had chosen for us, that i understand.
but another thing also i think is my problem... my mum (at least) is actually 'afraid' of me... many things she doesn't dare to ask me directly. i only thought of this issue when she had to go through my exhousemate's mum when comes to this question: whether i have a bf. -_-
it's actually sad that my mum and i don't really have those 'heart-to-heart talk' which most mothers and daughters do. again, i think it's my problem. coz i didn't initiate those conversation with her, and she's 'shy' to talk/ask abt it.
my dad on the other hand, will ask such questions sometimes, usually in a not-so-serious way.
or is this a normal situation in chinese families?
but erm... from my previous housemates... i don't think so lor.
their mothers know a lot abt them, more than my mum knows abt me.







so... what should i do now with the vacuum cleaner? :S

i'm tired of deciding what i should eat for my next meal when i have no cravings (which means no appetite?). but even with cravings, doesn't neccessrily mean i'll be able to get it

i'm tired of deciding which vacum cleaner i should get. too many questions to ask, too much reasoning, too much thinking. (yes... i AM a scientist :S)
i think it's also because i'm a person who... if i buy something, i want a good one (of course within my budget lar, or else it's easy, just get a Dyson!).
like i'm hving high expectations from myself i think. which is giving me extra pressure on things like...
my driving test!! yes. i'm actually worried abt it already eventhough it's abt 2 months away from now. but i want to get it passed straight away!

___________________________

lesson learnt from these two days...
never be punctual again!! at least with this few ppl whom i met up with on friday and sat. :S

___________________________

the weather last nite made me feel like it's time for home...
it was max 28C when i checked the weather on theAge in the afternoon.
feels like summer, which means dec - feb and that's when i'm usually going home for hol.

Always thought I'm a person who's alert most of the time, as in i am usually aware of things around me. until...
last sunday... i was holding my wet folded umbrella together with my bag in the same hand, rushing to the platform at the train station... suddenly heard running footsteps behind me which turned out to be a teenager who came up to me with my umbrella.
i dropped my umbrella without realising at all.

_______________

whenever something unexpected happens, out of the sudden, eg a pen suddenly falls off the table, i almost tripped, someone suddenly appears from a corner etc i feel a shock and usually accompanied by a little squeak or something.
but recently... mayb starting 1 or 2 months ago.... whenever these things happen, i also get this 'short-shocked-numbness' at my forehead down to my nose bridge. dunno how to describe the feeling... it's like an electric shock for that .2 sec.
is this abnormal???

如果

这几个星期来，在 facebook 看见很多朋友在马来西亚大学毕业典礼的照片，才真正见识到马来西亚大学的毕业袍长什么样子 :P 原来他们每一间大学的毕业袍都不一样，还蛮多种不同 pattern 的。

然后想一想，常听说本地大学对华人来说不容易进到自己要得科系，但也看到这么多开开心心毕业的朋友(well, graduation of couse is happy one also lar)，就想想... 如果我没有来澳洲读书，也没有去新加坡，那我会在马来西亚读哪里读什么？会不会比现在来得好？not that 我现在后悔了还是什么，只不过想想如果。如果我一直都没出国，每一天回家都可以看到爸爸妈妈，会是怎样的?

我知道自己的思想跟中学时候是不一样了，也或多和没有出国的话不一样吧？
很想问问爸爸妈妈有没有觉得我出国来有什么不好的改变...

Acer Timline 4810T

my new fav :)
Acer Timline 4810T
HBhifi selling at $1688 before discount for the SU3500 CPU (intel core 2 solo), 4GB RAM, 320GB HD, win Vista (upgradable to Win7 in Oct), 14" LED-backlit TFT LCD
things i like abt it:
relatively light weight (just under 2kg) and slim, long battery life (review 5-7 hours of netsurfing, 1 movie), a multi card reader which can fit my memory stick! (unless it's sony laptop, they don't usually fit the memory stick for my sony camera) and Dolby sound system speakers which is NOT underneath the laptop!, Multi-gesture touchpad.
but not sure abt the bluetooth
shall look into getting this in nov :)

it's almost 5pm now and there goes my day off.
dunno what else can i do. have been chatting (on msn) to a few ppl whom i don't usually get to talk to coz they aren't usually on msn when i am. been watching 2 eps of a tw drama series which means i've finished 败犬女王. today is monday, so don't have new kangxi to watch yet. wo cai... should go find later... been letting restaurant city run by itself. yes... by itself means nothing much i can do. been drinking barley and water and honey, eating lozenges and herbal candy (the pi pa gao candy, since the instruction says can't eat Strepfen too often a day), ate porridge, 2 slices of bread. wanted to eat junk food, want to munch something, but can't eat chips, can't eat chocolates :( so i can only munch on apples which i don't feel like today, hv 3 or 4 left which i want to bring to work de.
quite sien... dunno what my hsmate does when she's at home most of the time. :P
well even when she's at home, since i can't talk, i can only stay in my own room also. :S

i guess tmr i'll just go back to work... in silent.
but then now think abt it... i only woke up at 12 something, and it's not even 5 yet. i actually felt that i've done a lot of things just by sitting in front of my comp the whole time :S

been 'hoping' i fall sick when i was stressed, so that i can just drop everything even just for 1 day, dont' hv to think of all the problems.
but now when MOST problems are settled, i really end up with a sick day off >.<

I'm on my sick leave today.
i think this is my 2nd sick leave since i started my honours. can't rmb when and why for the first one, but i do rmb waking up in the morning, called my supervisor in his office to ask for a day off.
wasn't thinking abt taking a day off for today until last nite, my colleague said on my fb comment something like 'hope to see you at work tmr if u feeling better'. coz mentally i'm fine, just that i can't talk and my throat hurts. like i'm not feeling weak or anything.
but this morning, woke up at 8, find myself couldn't talk at all, which is worse than yday morning. so i sms my supervisors (since couldn't talk on the phone) for a day off.

went back to sleep until 12pm.
wokeup... my hsmate already cooked porridge and barley water!! so touched!! she's the only hsmate who ever takes care of me when i'm not feeling well. well, probably i hv been quite healthy and all before this ... getting older lar, problems starts to come out, not this time one lar... sorethroat can happen to anyone, i know. :S

I actually left office at abt 5.15pm today!! woohoo!!!
after weeks (abt a month so far perhaps) of long hours in the lab, crazy+short lunch hours, rushing up and down the corridor, reaching home by 6 is a rare occasion for me. usually it's around 8pm. i was at the state where don't hv the energy to think/do other stuff outside work anymore and rather ppl just give me orders eg where to eat, wat time. everyday reach home, all i want to do is hv my dinner and sleep.
some PhD students spend long hours in the lab, including weekends, longer than what i've been doing, but there're also some who are just 9 - 5 every weekdays!! lucky them!!
I always heard abt having '2nd-year blue' from seniors, but there's no such thing for me (and the other PhD student in my lab)!! hopefully this means less stress at the end.
been working on a few trouble-shooting stuff at the same time lately, that's why the long hours and the stress and the frustration. well, i finally have one sorted out on Friday. so feeling bit more sane today.
but having my talk coming on this friday is another stress factor. i've had my practice during my lab meeting last week (ish... took me awhile to think whether it's 2 weeks ago or just last wk :S), went alright but i need to refresh my memory on things i should know since 2.5 years ago (when i started my hons).
would luuuuuvv to have a day off when the troubleshooting is done

saw a senior's facebook photo few days ago... she just printed out and bind her PhD thesis. looking at those thesis (basically they are like 5cm? thick, A4 size books with hard cover) really make me want to have one my own asap!!! and yess i am going to have it eventually!!! with my name on!!!

p/s: i'm up for restaurant city again :P they added a few new things recently. was bored before coz nothing much i want to target on anymore until they added the new stuff :)

This video got me into happy tears :)



By ninemsn staff:

Ms Peterson told local television station WCCO they had planned their wedding dance from the moment they got engaged.

"I had always wanted to dance down the aisle," she said.

"I always loved musicals and theatre and using that to make things special and more emotive — I think you can say a lot through dance.

"So, I think doing it at the church was really something special to set the tone for the whole thing."

Mr Heinz said he had posted the video for the benefit of family and friends, but felt comfortable with a global audience checking out his dance grooves.

The couple has since appeared on a number of American talk shows.

I've always thought that my name is unique.
noone has the same name as mine since kinder. whether it's my chinese name or the 'malay' spelt name.
but ...
SS told us that she foundHN's photo on google, so i went to google image HN's name and actually found my photos too, which are those posted by a friend of theirs (well is our mutual friend lar, but i don't really know her). this person post those photos onto her blog and she somehow put our names under the photos and so it somehow appears in google image. quite shocked when i see my face there :S

and i went to google my own full name and this is what i found: :(














(at least) an 18-year old boy is sharing my name :(
anyway... i still believe that my chinese name is unique :P