there are some things that you (or just I?) only feel like telling/blogging abt when they're 'fresh from the oven'. and once it's over, thinking back abt it, u'll think it's no big deal at all and not worth mentioning at all.
ups and downs recently... from work, family, friends to myself. that's almost all the 'categories' in my life yea? well my flatmate's been alright at least, which is a big relief.
i started to don't feel ok with my supervisor, as in there's a torn in me towards him ... since last wed's weekly meeting with him and my co-sup. it's a very very very bad feeling. and i really hate it!
since 2 years ago he's my supervisor and i always feel comfortable with him as my boss until last wed. when he asked wat's my (experiment) plan for the coming week. and i went completely absolutely blank! and actually said 'nothing' to him. >.<
i've been aware abt hving all these things/experiments piling up at the back of my brain since i had my confirmation. but at that moment, i couldn't think of a solid plan that i can tell him. after pausing for few secs (felt like more than 1 sec at that time), still said i hv nothing planned to him, then he said 'so how do you maximise ur productivity?' and i really went panic and felt tears in my eyes :( then suddenly remember abt all these things that're 'in the queue' from my other 2 projects. :S so at last i did tell him i hv all these things coming along.
but after that meeting, i really felt like shit!
then i had my presentation on monday, which i did real bad.
bad as in... eg i couldn't answer some of the things that my sup and one of the pediatricians asked when they're clearly written on the paper.
i started preparing for it on friday, and sunday whole day. so could only blame myself for that.
i wasn't presenting my work, it's our journal club day, once a month, 2 person will present 1 'interesting paper' each. so this ppr was suggested by my sup on that wed.
after the presentation, i went back to the lab to set up some experiments, then Sarah came to our lab to use the spec,
as usual, she'll say hi to me and ask how i am etc.
i told her i did bad for the journal club.
"was it the paper suck?"
"no, it was my presentation"
"it doesn't matter, does it?"
"well yea... sort of..." :S
but i still mind lor!
we don't have exams or assignments to assess our progress etc. and our work/experiments are never ending. it's how much u can do, how much can u get within that 'limited' amount of time, and when/where u draw the finish line.
so.... i mind because i take that as my assignment. so i must do well at least.
i mind abt how my supervisors think abt me, coz they're important to me and i care wat ppl think abt me.
and also recently i'm not happy with the fact that he's not anticipating positive results from this particular 'recent discovery' of mine. ever since i started my honours, i've never found any positive results like this one. eventhough there're quite a few things to follow up before i can 'declare' my positive results out loud, but from the start, he doesn't think it's going to be positive, and that's like a big bucket of cold water to me.
probably coz i hvn't been getting +ve results so this little(?) discovery means a lot a lot to me.
luckily i still hv my new co-supervisor who's more supportive on this.
sigh...
seems like there're only downs from my work recently
