what if...

After a phone call, someone from our lab had just rushed to the hosp in Dandenong to see her family (grandfather i think) who was very sick in the hosp. She was in tears as soon as she heard the bad news on the phone.

Then i thought.... what IF something bad happens to my parents, or my bro, or my grandma in M'sia and i'm STUCK here in Melb?! :(
even if i go to the airport straight away to catch the next flight back home, i wont make it there until at least the next 10 hours!

I miss NZ
miss holiday
miss home
miss mum, dad and bros
miss camp 06
:(

空...

空...
是空虚？
还是空闲？

guess i'm both.

Time to work harder for my project. But then, sometimes it's not that i dont want to stay back late and do more work, but i depend on other ppl to do my work. I have to wait for them to teach me certain things before i can carry out on my own. And i still depend on the presence of my supervisor, eventhough i dont need him to be at my side watching me doing the experiment, but in case i'm screwed, if he's around in the office, there's someone for me to ask.

Monday, goin to do a western blot, which i've done a trial run by my own which was a successful one, last week. So Monday, eventhough i can only start this 1 whole day + half a day experiment after lunch time (coz i need someone to show me how to quantitate the protein before i can do the experiment), i decided to stay back late after hours to do it so that i wont waste the other half of my day doing nothing. And also this time, i'll be doing the experiment with the phD student in my lab, she'll be doing with her samples, i'll be doing mine. different samples, same technique.
and tuesday is the AGM for MCRI, which will take up almost half of hour day. So if i dont start my experiment on monday, i'll have to wait till wed and half of thurs. The AGM will be held in the ACMI at fed sq, followed by a lunch.

My parents went to Cameron Highlands for a weekend last week but i forgot abt that although my mum told me few weeks ago. It was mother's day last sunday. So when i called mum's hp, they're at Cameron already. For those who dunno, Cameron Highlands is one of the tourist spot in m'sia. not too far from KL (can't remember how many hours drive but definitely less than 3 hours i think). i've been there once, according to my parents, not long after i was born, which means i was still a baby who doesn't know anything. haha!
when i signed into msn after 5pm in office, Mum was online too and asked me if i want to see the photos they took at Cameron. so bro sent all of them to me just now.
photos aren't great, as in no spectacular scenery or wat, but i was really happy to see that the both of them are having a good holiday there. Mum just retired from her work this year. Dad sort of retired last year. Unlike some of my friends, our family couldn't afford to go on holiday every year. So eventhough this is just Cameron Highlands, i can feel that my mum is really happy. and i'm happy for them too. :)

Now i'm the only one still studying, still need financial support from my parents. I really hope that my parents can have the opportunity to travel more.
Mum's going to the states (where my uncle and his family live) this June, together with my other aunt and grandma. Dad said he couldn't go coz he has to take care of the house! but my bro will be at home anyway coz he needs to work! So... :(

sigh... when can i earn enough money to let my parents enjoy their life more?

______________

yday morning, when i was waiting for the lift to the office, a question struck me when i saw a slightly disabled kid.
'how will you react if their child was born with disability?' even if it's just a cleft lip, or a facial feature that 'doesn't look nice enough'? will u still love your child??

all over...

It's over...
last show on Friday night.
Wasn't able to focus during the day in the lab. Did a few stupid mistakes when doing DNA　extraction for a few samples. :S But consequences aren't too serious lar.
Was later than i planned when i finish my experiment and leave to uni. Partly due to my careless mistakes.

Last chance to watch the show, last chance pulling the curtains, last chance at the backstage of the theater, last chance in the dressing room of the theater. so much memories!
This last show, for the first time, I did the English voice over announcement just before the show started. The one saying welcome, thnx sponsor, no smoking eating drinking in theatre etc. So after this production, i had a taste of almost every position in a theater production:
costume & makeup (2007), props (2006), sets (05,06), backstage (05,06), sound (05 in cmg), APM (07), and i say this production i'm also a 'part time assistant SM' :P, pull curtain, on headset (dunno how to spell 'cans'), VO announcement.
so left the lighting and projection departments, usher and the admin team.

and surprisingly, noone cried at the end. Thought i'll be emotional.
we (me, jingying and fred) gave the director, SMs, department heads, designers and operators each a small souvenirs that we had made: a laminated printed group photo with our few words behind the photo. (fred didn't prepare any for ourselves!! :( ) spent a few hours to write the little notes on wed night after the rehearsal. was up till almost 4am eventhough had to work the next morning. but still couldn't finish all the 27 notes. (sam, shiyang: those are the 'notes'/'love notes' that i wrote after the supper on wed :P) continued in office and the tearoom the next day :P
and at the end of the show, the three of us gave everyone in the production and most of admin ppl each a tulip. i went to ordered them on monday night, jingying and fred went to pick up on fri afternoon. the tulips were hidden somewhere in the theatre until the very end of the show :)

The post-production supper was crazy! everyone's busy writing each other's booklets! we occupied the second floor of the restaurant. and it's like a market! almost a hundred of us i think, or even more. should hv taken a photo of that market.

went home straight after supper. super tired...


had my IELTS test the next morning 8.30am. which means i only slept for 4 hours before the test.
the test was ok i think. not hoping to get too good results, as long as it's enough for me to apply my PR. yea... production's over, no excuse to not do my application now.

Went to Bobby's hs for bbq at ard 5pm.
i think this is one of the best party at Bobby's. more than 30 ppl were there last nite. built bbq pits, set up the pits, cook the food, eat, some ppl watched Saw3, play mahjong, then most ppl got together and play the 'killer game'. that game reminds me of the ctg camp 2006. :( that was one of my good memories in my ctg history.
they're having a camp this year too. in july. still hvn't decide whether to go or not. it's on the last fri-sun of uni winter hol. but i hv no holiday! so even if i go, i can only go after work on fri nite.

leaving bobby's hs last nite was a bit sad... coz that might be the last time i ever go to that hs, see the two doggies (one of them ate the crab meat ball that i bbq-ed for so long!!). seeing bobby and JiaLing waving gd bye to us outside the house was like quite sad. :(

Had an 8 hours sleep till 11am this morning.
woke up and thinking wat to do today... the first question i ask myself was... 'any ctg stuff to do today?' starting to hv a bit of the 'post-production syndrome' this morning. But then not as bad as the past. hmm...
went to lab at 1230, till 230 to do tissue culture. then to return Grace's dvd. then did some grocery shopping. never had time to go grocery shopping since last weekend.
came home and cooked dinner. 2 weeks since the last time i cook a proper meal at home! the other thing i cooked in this 2 weeks at home are once or twice instant noodles/instant udon noodles. had been eating out coz of rehearsals and shows.

was planning to finish my bioinformatics analysis tonight but... until now, 8.40pm, hvn't started doin it yet. :P just lazy!

hvn't been blogging for long long time
coz i've been busy working, handed in my lit review last fri, finished my practice talk on wed, goin to have my real talk next tues (it's my honours hurdle requirement), and CTG-ing!!

last nite was our first show. yea.. once it's started... it means that it's goin to end soon :(
during the show, my job is to pull the front curtain and let the stage managers know when the casts are ready on the stage before the light goes on. i'm standing on a chair, with my little torch (which gives out purple light) and script, on the headphones, and pulling curtain is not a 'pleasant' job coz it hurts ur hands!

did a few mistakes last nite, not with the curtains, but with the casts. for 1 of the scenes, didn't manage to see whether the cast is ready already (it's total black behind ) and i told SM that casts is ready.. so the light went on but no cast there :(

they did put up some light for us after the curtain is closed, and lights off just before the cast is goin out to the front curtain. but if the cast is suppose to get on stage from the right (i'm standing on the left), i coudltn' really tell properly who is who. all i can see is the movement of the person and curtain. and that's how i 'predict' that they are ready or not. :(
but anyway, last nite's show was great! audience response was very good during and after the show. i was sooo happy and touched when the audience gave response during the show. nearly cried during the curtain call (for those who dunno, that's when the casts go on stage and bow after the show ends). ya... i know.. it's only the first show. :(

i'm very happy with the ppl in my lab. why? coz i can feel the love. haha!!

1) wed was my practice talk in our weekly group meeting. the grp meeting is for our lab (the research and diagnostic part of the group) and the clinical group of ppl from 9th floor. so if everyone turns up, it'll be abt 18 ppl. but that wed, only ppl from our lab turned up. which is good! well, the others probably din come coz it's just my practice session and nothing else is important (usually there's 1 speaker presenting a paper or 1 speaker presenting the work they've done). so great! my talk went from 4.25pm for 15 mins. then, everyone stayed back and went through my slides one by one to give me feedback! and it went till 5.30pm! usually ppl just can't wait to go home at 5pm sharp. but this time they stayed back and not just listen to wat my supervisors have to say to me, but they joined in to give constructive comments!
i'm just happy :)

2) and i've told my supervisor abt leaving early for the shows these two weeks and he's absolutely fine with it being supportive.

3) and yday, i left work at 430 and all of them know that i hv my first show that nite and wished me good luck. and canny was on her mobile phone when i said bye and walked out of the office. she ran out of the office with her phone still one and wish me good luck!
i'm just happy :)

I've got my results back from my exam few weeks ago and also the bioinformatics assignment which was handed in last month. and i'm happy with the results :)

see... all these little things that made me happy in the lab/office eventhough my experiment didn't work well/still hv lots of lab work and comp work to keep up etc my mood changed as i stepped into the theatre.
5 semester in ctg so far and this is definitely goin to be the last one. i'm most happy while i'm a crew in the first 2 semesters and as the workshop manager last yr first sem. but since then, last sem, this sem especially i'm not 100% enjoing my 'job'. this sem is really a frustrated and dramatic one for me. it really chaned my perspective to many ppl in ctg, this includes lots of disappointments. it's probably wat that makes me decided to end my 'life in ctg'.
it's very contradicting. i love ctg but at the same time i hate ctg.

so for now, i'll try my best to enjoy this last few days of ctg while i can. i'll definitely miss it after it's finish.....