I don't usually ask my parents' opinion when comes to buying things (with my own money).
why?
coz most of the time i ask for opinion, it'll end up to be... me explaining my reasoning, them listening, if they don't agree or have questions, i'll then explain, and at the end, they'll say it's up to me :S
so what's the point of asking?!?!?!

i never actually asked when i bought my piano.
i never asked when i bought my camera.
and of course, i never asked when i bought the wallet and the mimco.

and u know what, i actually thought of asking mum about the vacum cleaner!!!
so after the out of stock, i want to ask her again about the other options.
talked to her about it on msn for at least 15 mins and still didn't get any conclusion from her!!! been going around the circle. until i want to cry already!!
then finally she said she'll call me talk on the phone which i should have done from the beginning. then at the end of the phone conversation... she said it's up to me to make the decision :S
ARGHHHHHHHHH
i just want someone to tell me what to do when i had so much to consider about and i just couldn't make up my mind! and that's why i asked!!!
sigh...
think my parents respect us (me?) too much. well it is good, i shouldn't complain.
we get to choose which high school we want to go to.
i get to decide what course in uni i want to go to.
i get to decide where i want to live after i graduate (well so far they didn't say/hint anything about where they hope i'll work at after i grad)
but sometimes when i need opinion, talking to them usually doesn't help. :(
they probably don't want the blame if we've made the wrong choice if they had chosen for us, that i understand.
but another thing also i think is my problem... my mum (at least) is actually 'afraid' of me... many things she doesn't dare to ask me directly. i only thought of this issue when she had to go through my exhousemate's mum when comes to this question: whether i have a bf. -_-
it's actually sad that my mum and i don't really have those 'heart-to-heart talk' which most mothers and daughters do. again, i think it's my problem. coz i didn't initiate those conversation with her, and she's 'shy' to talk/ask abt it.
my dad on the other hand, will ask such questions sometimes, usually in a not-so-serious way.
or is this a normal situation in chinese families?
but erm... from my previous housemates... i don't think so lor.
their mothers know a lot abt them, more than my mum knows abt me.







so... what should i do now with the vacuum cleaner? :S

i'm tired of deciding what i should eat for my next meal when i have no cravings (which means no appetite?). but even with cravings, doesn't neccessrily mean i'll be able to get it

i'm tired of deciding which vacum cleaner i should get. too many questions to ask, too much reasoning, too much thinking. (yes... i AM a scientist :S)
i think it's also because i'm a person who... if i buy something, i want a good one (of course within my budget lar, or else it's easy, just get a Dyson!).
like i'm hving high expectations from myself i think. which is giving me extra pressure on things like...
my driving test!! yes. i'm actually worried abt it already eventhough it's abt 2 months away from now. but i want to get it passed straight away!

___________________________

lesson learnt from these two days...
never be punctual again!! at least with this few ppl whom i met up with on friday and sat. :S

___________________________

the weather last nite made me feel like it's time for home...
it was max 28C when i checked the weather on theAge in the afternoon.
feels like summer, which means dec - feb and that's when i'm usually going home for hol.

Always thought I'm a person who's alert most of the time, as in i am usually aware of things around me. until...
last sunday... i was holding my wet folded umbrella together with my bag in the same hand, rushing to the platform at the train station... suddenly heard running footsteps behind me which turned out to be a teenager who came up to me with my umbrella.
i dropped my umbrella without realising at all.

_______________

whenever something unexpected happens, out of the sudden, eg a pen suddenly falls off the table, i almost tripped, someone suddenly appears from a corner etc i feel a shock and usually accompanied by a little squeak or something.
but recently... mayb starting 1 or 2 months ago.... whenever these things happen, i also get this 'short-shocked-numbness' at my forehead down to my nose bridge. dunno how to describe the feeling... it's like an electric shock for that .2 sec.
is this abnormal???

如果

这几个星期来，在 facebook 看见很多朋友在马来西亚大学毕业典礼的照片，才真正见识到马来西亚大学的毕业袍长什么样子 :P 原来他们每一间大学的毕业袍都不一样，还蛮多种不同 pattern 的。

然后想一想，常听说本地大学对华人来说不容易进到自己要得科系，但也看到这么多开开心心毕业的朋友(well, graduation of couse is happy one also lar)，就想想... 如果我没有来澳洲读书，也没有去新加坡，那我会在马来西亚读哪里读什么？会不会比现在来得好？not that 我现在后悔了还是什么，只不过想想如果。如果我一直都没出国，每一天回家都可以看到爸爸妈妈，会是怎样的?

我知道自己的思想跟中学时候是不一样了，也或多和没有出国的话不一样吧？
很想问问爸爸妈妈有没有觉得我出国来有什么不好的改变...

Acer Timline 4810T

my new fav :)
Acer Timline 4810T
HBhifi selling at $1688 before discount for the SU3500 CPU (intel core 2 solo), 4GB RAM, 320GB HD, win Vista (upgradable to Win7 in Oct), 14" LED-backlit TFT LCD
things i like abt it:
relatively light weight (just under 2kg) and slim, long battery life (review 5-7 hours of netsurfing, 1 movie), a multi card reader which can fit my memory stick! (unless it's sony laptop, they don't usually fit the memory stick for my sony camera) and Dolby sound system speakers which is NOT underneath the laptop!, Multi-gesture touchpad.
but not sure abt the bluetooth
shall look into getting this in nov :)

it's almost 5pm now and there goes my day off.
dunno what else can i do. have been chatting (on msn) to a few ppl whom i don't usually get to talk to coz they aren't usually on msn when i am. been watching 2 eps of a tw drama series which means i've finished 败犬女王. today is monday, so don't have new kangxi to watch yet. wo cai... should go find later... been letting restaurant city run by itself. yes... by itself means nothing much i can do. been drinking barley and water and honey, eating lozenges and herbal candy (the pi pa gao candy, since the instruction says can't eat Strepfen too often a day), ate porridge, 2 slices of bread. wanted to eat junk food, want to munch something, but can't eat chips, can't eat chocolates :( so i can only munch on apples which i don't feel like today, hv 3 or 4 left which i want to bring to work de.
quite sien... dunno what my hsmate does when she's at home most of the time. :P
well even when she's at home, since i can't talk, i can only stay in my own room also. :S

i guess tmr i'll just go back to work... in silent.
but then now think abt it... i only woke up at 12 something, and it's not even 5 yet. i actually felt that i've done a lot of things just by sitting in front of my comp the whole time :S

been 'hoping' i fall sick when i was stressed, so that i can just drop everything even just for 1 day, dont' hv to think of all the problems.
but now when MOST problems are settled, i really end up with a sick day off >.<

I'm on my sick leave today.
i think this is my 2nd sick leave since i started my honours. can't rmb when and why for the first one, but i do rmb waking up in the morning, called my supervisor in his office to ask for a day off.
wasn't thinking abt taking a day off for today until last nite, my colleague said on my fb comment something like 'hope to see you at work tmr if u feeling better'. coz mentally i'm fine, just that i can't talk and my throat hurts. like i'm not feeling weak or anything.
but this morning, woke up at 8, find myself couldn't talk at all, which is worse than yday morning. so i sms my supervisors (since couldn't talk on the phone) for a day off.

went back to sleep until 12pm.
wokeup... my hsmate already cooked porridge and barley water!! so touched!! she's the only hsmate who ever takes care of me when i'm not feeling well. well, probably i hv been quite healthy and all before this ... getting older lar, problems starts to come out, not this time one lar... sorethroat can happen to anyone, i know. :S

I actually left office at abt 5.15pm today!! woohoo!!!
after weeks (abt a month so far perhaps) of long hours in the lab, crazy+short lunch hours, rushing up and down the corridor, reaching home by 6 is a rare occasion for me. usually it's around 8pm. i was at the state where don't hv the energy to think/do other stuff outside work anymore and rather ppl just give me orders eg where to eat, wat time. everyday reach home, all i want to do is hv my dinner and sleep.
some PhD students spend long hours in the lab, including weekends, longer than what i've been doing, but there're also some who are just 9 - 5 every weekdays!! lucky them!!
I always heard abt having '2nd-year blue' from seniors, but there's no such thing for me (and the other PhD student in my lab)!! hopefully this means less stress at the end.
been working on a few trouble-shooting stuff at the same time lately, that's why the long hours and the stress and the frustration. well, i finally have one sorted out on Friday. so feeling bit more sane today.
but having my talk coming on this friday is another stress factor. i've had my practice during my lab meeting last week (ish... took me awhile to think whether it's 2 weeks ago or just last wk :S), went alright but i need to refresh my memory on things i should know since 2.5 years ago (when i started my hons).
would luuuuuvv to have a day off when the troubleshooting is done

saw a senior's facebook photo few days ago... she just printed out and bind her PhD thesis. looking at those thesis (basically they are like 5cm? thick, A4 size books with hard cover) really make me want to have one my own asap!!! and yess i am going to have it eventually!!! with my name on!!!

p/s: i'm up for restaurant city again :P they added a few new things recently. was bored before coz nothing much i want to target on anymore until they added the new stuff :)

This video got me into happy tears :)



By ninemsn staff:

Ms Peterson told local television station WCCO they had planned their wedding dance from the moment they got engaged.

"I had always wanted to dance down the aisle," she said.

"I always loved musicals and theatre and using that to make things special and more emotive — I think you can say a lot through dance.

"So, I think doing it at the church was really something special to set the tone for the whole thing."

Mr Heinz said he had posted the video for the benefit of family and friends, but felt comfortable with a global audience checking out his dance grooves.

The couple has since appeared on a number of American talk shows.

I've always thought that my name is unique.
noone has the same name as mine since kinder. whether it's my chinese name or the 'malay' spelt name.
but ...
SS told us that she foundHN's photo on google, so i went to google image HN's name and actually found my photos too, which are those posted by a friend of theirs (well is our mutual friend lar, but i don't really know her). this person post those photos onto her blog and she somehow put our names under the photos and so it somehow appears in google image. quite shocked when i see my face there :S

and i went to google my own full name and this is what i found: :(














(at least) an 18-year old boy is sharing my name :(
anyway... i still believe that my chinese name is unique :P

after that emo weekend and followed by a week full of failed experiments...
i'm much motivated now. especially since the seminar/forum thingy on last fri organised by the postgrad student association of my research institute. where 4 seniors were invited to share their experience and to answer any related questions. my eyes gone teary a bit and felt motivated and the pat over my shoulder.

when i see ppl on the stage (performing eg singing)... the applaus from the audience make me very 感动. can feel the statisfaction. wish i'm the one on the stage, wish i can hv that kind of feeling. feeling good and 'appreciated' and proud about myself for what i've done.
like i should cry when i get my phd. lol
i should, doesn't mean i will :?

i always think and still agree with, that satisfaction (满足感) is one of the most important things in a person's life.
my definition of satisfaction used to be 'by achieving something GREAT in one's life'
but now i think think... it can be anything eg achieving something (eg. in your career) for youself or having appreciated/praised by someone about what you've done. (not sure if this makes sense to u)

thing is we only live for once, well regardless abt what you believe about after life etc etc philosophy/religion stuff...
my point is... i'm once alive so i don't want to vanish from the world one day without being remembered or even realised by ppl in the future. must leave my 'trail' for a good cause (of course).
i guess i can work really hard in the research field (with some luck of course), to find out something useful so that ppl in the future know about my existence. sounds like i'm doing all this for my own good instead of contributing to the 'man-kind' (woa... sound so... 伟大). this takes me to mention here abt this little 'side story' which happened at abt 2 years ago... a cleaner in my institute said to me on a friday evening after 5pm... (the cleaners usually work after hours. don't rmb the exact wordings... it's somethign like...) that i'm still there working late on a friday night but at least i know i'm (doing my research to) helping other ppl. i think she's the kind and wise person who thought abt that. to me, i was just doing it for my own good, ie to get my honours. shame on me :$

actually am glad that i'm in this field, coz at least it is something i can try to achieve and fulfill the 'satisfaction' for my life.

my childhood memeories...

As i just finished typing the previous entry,
bro showed me a few photos taken in my room in KL
new paint for my room, see my big teddy bear sitting there...









mum asked me before she washed it for me, ask if can give away or wat...
she's been trying to sort out my soft toys for me when i went back last trip, when i took them all out and took a last picture of them, i was so sad to give/donate any of them away!!! those are all my childhood memories :'( :'( :'( so asked mum to let them stay
then when she asked me again abt this big one few days ago... i said can give after she wash.
but just now bro showed me the photo ....












:'( i asked him to tell mum to keep again :'(
eventhough i'm not 'very close' to this bear, coz it was too big and furry, it's usually kept in the cupboard. but i still love it a lot. still hug it everytime i went home. and i still hv the doll at home since i was born. and the 'brother' of the doll... really can't imagine them being out of my possession :( now that i'm thinking that i won't be going to KL in the nov trip... i'm very sad leh... can't see the newly painted house, can't hug/see my toys :(

how arr??? i hv to get rid of them some day anyhow right?
just like what happened to my piano in kl... so sad to sell it off but at the end still hv to say bye-bye to it :'( yea... it was sold few months ago when i'm here, couldn't even hug it for the last time :'(

should i bring the bear to melb with me in dec? :$

World's Best Airports
'a survey done by the British-based Skytrax consultancy group, interviewed 8.6 million passengers in 2008/9 at 190 airports about their experiences, from check-in, departures, transfers, through to arrivals.'
Why I didn't get to do the survey?? :( I had 12 international airport visits (one international trip will hv at least 4 international airport visits) from 2008 wor

anyway... my point is...
Top 10:
Incheon International
Hong Kong International
Singapore Changi
Zurich
Munich
Kansai
Kuala Lumpur
Amsterdam
Central Nagoya
Auckland

yup... KLIA is no.7
and the BEST IMMIGRATION SERVICE award goes to...... KLIA!!!
instead of feeling proud of it, i'm speculating the reason for that award :S Not goin to type it out here to avoid getting into any trouble >.<

我 sien 得受不了
什么也做不好
最近的实验多是有缺陷
我和你的世界
就像一条抛物线
也许它早已过了最高点

情绪不好冲到极限
说顺利要直接一点
你会发现
全要冒险
情绪化
有什么不对
我要你零缺点

睁开了我的眼
今天又是一天
但还没能和昨天说再见
我心中的问号
你一直解不到
希望有一个脑袋能了解

情绪不好冲到极限
说顺利要直接一点
你会发现
全要冒险
情绪化
有什么不对
我要你零缺点

Tank - 一把听了很 'lum' 的声音... and plus guitar

the first 1min++ :P and speaker volume must turn up a bit



and of course, 徐佳莹's voice is very nice





it's the quality of the video? the song itself or he really improved? the first song sounded more relaxed

OR should i get a MacBook?

What's next??

half of 2009 is almost gone!!
june is coming

and i hv nothing else to look fwd to until mid nov :(
driving test... not excited anyway, and dunno when's goin to happen
doesn't seem like i'm goin to the snow this winter.
my cousin is not coming to bne/melb anymore in sep/oct.

sien...

mayb i should look fwd to churning out results from my project, by increasing my work hours to include weekends, then i won't have time to think abt what to do during my spare time

being a 2nd yr phd student, i'm actually quite scared now.
i'm aiming to finish in 3.5 years the latest, which means around march 2011 i should finish all my experiments and be writing up my thesis
time is running short!!!

netbooks

thinking of getting a netbook
since i already hv a desktop at home, the extra one is for portability (is there such a word?)
every brands nowadays have a series of netbook.
eg Sony, Dell, HP, Lenovo, Acer, Asus.

Sony Vaio P series looks good but doesn't hv the normal mousepad and is too expensive since i won't be using this new one as often, don't want to spend too much on it.
so Asus 1008HA (aka seashell) is currenly on the top of my list. it looks good (better than hp and dell and vaio?? but i don't like the look of the Eeepc logo >.<), and good enough for my need i guess. not sold in aus yet tho, but predicted to be around $900? (it's $429 in US). a similar netbook from HP costs $799, Dell $699

Restaurant city

i used to like Sims for a while, then Diner Dash (still love it).
and i recently 'discovered' that this game on facebook is actually quite fun :$
started playing this Restaurant City just few days ago... have been ignoring all the invitations i got from my facebook friends for so long.
was quite excited when i found out that by picking up rubbish in my own restaurant and other friends' restaurants can earn me a award/trophy. :$
then i got even more excited when i realise that by clicking on some of the trees nearby can earn me money!! woohoo!! XD

Dream dream dream

I dream a lot, almost every night
always wonder if those dreams will become true or not, coz obviously some are good ones and some aren't
i could even dream during my 30mins nap like just now >.<

During a typical lifespan, a human spends a total of about six years dreaming^[6] (which is about two hours each night^[7]). Most dreams last only 5 to 20 minutes.

The dream story itself in the last REM period is farthest from reality, containing more bizarre elements, and it is these properties, coupled with the increased likelihood of spontaneous arousals allowing waking review to take place, that heighten the chance of recall of the last dream. (so if this is true, it will explain why the dreams i remember usually won't come true) Reports from earlier dreams of the night, being more realistic, are often mistaken for waking thoughts.

Freud suggested that bad dreams let the brain learn to gain control over emotions resulting from distressing experiences. (wah... so dream is a practice ground har?!)

Ferenczi^[14] proposed that the dream, when told, may communicate something that is not being said outright. (means... what happened in the dream is what i really wanted in real life? well... true lar for some of them :P)

Negative emotions are much more common than positive ones

Up to 70% of females and 65% of males report recurrent dreams. (there used to be a repeating 'scene' of me free-falling /flying/floating which made me really scared in my dreams)

Content-analysis studies have identified common reported themes in dreams. These include: situations relating to school, being chased, running slowly in place, falling, arriving too late, a person now alive being dead, a person who is dead being alive, teeth falling out, flying, future events such as birthdays, anniversaries, etc. (with different scenarios), embarrassing moments, falling in love with random people, failing an examination, not being able to move, not being able to focus vision, car accidents, being accused of a crime you didn't commit, suddenly finding yourself naked, going to the toilet, and many more. (among this list, only 5 happened in mine as far as i can recall)

Twelve percent of people dream only in black and white.^[28] Studies from 1915 through to the 1950s maintained that the majority of dreams were in black and white, but these results began to change in the 1960s. Today, only 4.4% of the dreams of under-25 year-olds are in black and white^{[citation needed]}. Recent research has suggested that those changing results may be linked to the switch from black-and-white film and TV to color media. (was curious abt this at one time and i think mine is in colour)

Dreams are seen as projections of parts of the self that have been ignored, rejected, or suppressed.^[31] (think this is very true)