a number of my frens and coursemates graduated today.
刚刚就去看回我以前（也就是去年loh）毕业时拍的照片，又想起以前 biomed 时的日子，比起现在今年，真的差太远了。以前是为了考试时读书或有时 ctg 所以没准时吃，也很少是因为做功课，而现在是常常因为做 labwork 而没吃好没睡好，更别说放假。越想就越觉得可怜。但也是自己拿来的。
我也有在读 honours 的朋友可以 weekend 不用去 lab,　几乎每天还可以五点回家的。

捱多这几个月，接下来还有几年要捱？

今天是爸爸的生日。
早上打了电话给爸爸，从 trinity year, 每次跟爸爸讲长途电话，挂电话前他都会在电话的另一端 give me a kiss，然后我就会哭了。
听爸爸说二哥会给他一个 bday surprise 问二哥他又不讲，
突然好想家...

小时候，父亲节、母亲节什么的都会做卡片给爸妈
现在大了，只有买张卡寄回去
......

i think i really need a break, away from my project.
i'm feeling lack of motivation and moral support now.
I didn't feel worried or sad when my experiment failed before this. but now, any little problem made me feel like giving up.
today, well just 2 hours ago, i left my agarose gel to set on the bench and went for afternoon tea. 20 mins later when i came back, someone shifted the combs in the gel! and of course the gel was set and i can't do anything to rescue it. had to throw the gel away and make a new one. eventhough the whole thing is not hard to make at all and it'll take me 8 mins to make the gel and 10-15 mins for it to set, but i nearly burst into tears when i saw the shifted combs in my gel.
i'm sure the person who did that did it unintentionally. and i think i know who that is coz she used the other equipment which is just behind my gel. well there could be someone else who was there just that i wasn't sure. but anyway, i dont want to know who that person is and tha'ts not important.

i need a break...

鉴定结果
您的心理年龄24岁

与您实际年龄差2岁

幼稚度36％

成熟度61％

老化度11％

how would you let your friend(s) know that you don't like the bday present they got you?
or you won't want to coz 'it's the thought that counts'?

can't believe this

yesterday, left for home at 4.45pm, went to pick up some documents on my way home. reached home before 5.30pm, had my early dinner while watching 'Deal or no deal'. finished dinner, felt empty but hyped up (becoz of the 3 ferrero roche that i had before my dinner?) then suddenly remembered that i didn't turn off one of the equipment that i used this afternoon (but it's ok to leave it on actually), sms Canny to see if she's still in the lab and can turn it off for me.

while waiting for her reply, i feel like goin back to work in the lab. then i went...
5 mins after i left my building, realised that i forgot to bring my key card to the lab. >< walked all the way back and went out again.
reached there before 6.30, bumped into my supervisor at the hospital entrance. he didn't say much, just a 'hi chern' and gave me a smile.

left the building at 9.25pm, the cleaner was still there doing her job. i actually felt safe with her around somewhere on the same floor.

--------
and today, after Max Brenner-ing with the few ppl from my lab, i dont feel like going home. so i walked around in melb central, went into borders and i bought some books!!!
that is very unusual for me, coz i dont read, so i dont buy book!
well, thanks to the new harry potter book. since it came out few days ago, i went to borders one day (before today) and almost bought the book while they are on '3 for 2'. and today, i really bought them. two HP books and a David Baldacci (i never heard of his name before this) book.
or mayb coz i hvn't been reading (textbooks) for these few months since april, i miss books?! :P

hope i'll finish reading all these books, coz one of the reason i dont read (storybooks) is bcoz i usually stop reading it after a few pages (except the first 3 HP and DaVinciCode)

Friday, ~5.30pm, lab
i was still doin my work and the cleaner came in to do her work, she usually starts her work at around 5pm till 9 something (or even later?)
cleaner: it's friday, you should go home early
me: yea i know... i wish i can.
cleaner: well, at least you know you're here helping someone.
me: yea... (smile)

then i thought... helping someone? but i'm doin my own project.
after a few minutes, i'm still thinking wat she means...
oh! i think she means i'm doing medical research, helping the sick ppl.
awww.... touched*

moral of the story is:
see how selfish i am and how she has a big heart

just realized that i haven't been turning on my windows media player for the past 2.5 weeks when my aunt is here! i miss my songs so much! feels so good now with the music on. :)

It's been long since i last blogged here.
my aunt from S'pore came to visit me for 2.5 weeks. She's leaving this Sat.
She works in S'pore at NIE, so whenever i go to S'pore for holiday, i'll stay with her. She's quite close to me since i was young. She's not married. For things that happen to me in uni, or in my work now, I can talk to her but i dont like to talk to my parents abt those stuff. Maybe just because she understands more than my parents do. Mayb because she's a lecturer in NIE, she understands uni student (like me) better?
and also, i won't be able to study in Australia without her financial support.

but last week, i started to get a bit frustrated with her. I know i shouldn't. coz all she did was, giving me advise on some of the what i would call 'common-sense' stuff, or things that i've already knew or thought of. I have this problem as well when my parents came end of last year, for my graduation! :(
whole week last week, i woke up early to go to the lab early, to avoid any potential conflict, not because i i'm so hardworking.

then last weekend, it became slightly better, when i tell myself that she's going back soon. and i should be good.
So this week was good, so far. I took half day off Tuesday, to bring her out.

sigh... now i'm feeling a bit sad. It's always like this.

sorry... i'm here to grumble again...
seems like not many good things happen to me
ppl who are not interested in the details my lab experiments, you can basically skip this blog entry.

this time is abt PAUL.
PAUL is annoying!
he's old and dodgy, but my supervisor still likes him.

twice already, becoz of paul, i had to go back to the lab all the way, once from home 7.55pm tram, the other time was just now, 8 something, from the city and with my aunt who came visit me here in melb.

oh by the way, PAUL is the name of a PCR machine in our lab
we have 3 PCR machines, and they all have names - CHAD, BRAD and PAUL
CHAD and BRAD are the newest ones we have.
PAUL is an older model so there are some settings that have to be done manually
and he can't hold completed PCR at 4 degrees, instead, sometimes they'll be at 24, 25 C or even 29, 30C like just now!
high temperature is bad for DNA (oh... PCR is a reaction to make more DNA from a minimum amount of DNA as starting material)

i was right at the first time, luckily i went back to check the settings
but this time, i was too paranoid coz i had the settings right before i left at 5.30pm but when i went back just now, it was at 30C!

i've been repeating my PCR for so many times already and they aren't working until this afternoon.
so if this one is screwed (which i'll know on monday), i'll blame PAUL totally!

I did explain to my supervisor abt my concern with using Paul, but he said room temp is ok for DNA, that's considering 24C as room temp, but now it's 30C!!!
luckily i didn't leave it for overnight (which i planned to go back to the lab only on tmr morning).

i think i have communication problem
or mayb it's a language barrier thing
but it's probably because my life is too boring to be talked abt

can't wait for the end of tmr!

is my mind too complicated?
or my life is just complicated?

i'm very pissed and unhappy and upset recently!
i know... so long since i've updated my blog and now i'm behaving like this.

it all started on Sunday when i realised that i have to submit my PR application by 14th June or else i'll hv to wait till i finish my honours. Can only blame myself for that coz i didn't read the information properly until that Sunday.
It was suppose to be a happy weekend. until Sunday morning.
After hitting that panic button, started gathering my documents, decided to make appointment with migration consultant for Monday asap, appointment for health check, print out forms etc.
Monday, took a few hours off (which means half a day off) to see the lawyer at QueenSt. That was a big relief coz he is very friendly and answered all my questions nicely. unlike the previous experience i had with another lawyer, who changed attitude when started talking about consultation fees and not willing to tell me much stuff.

Then Monday night, found out that the birth certs that were certified and translated to English in Penang are total crap! not certified properly, not photocopied properly! there goes my second panic button!
called home, sort-of-scolded by dad for not checking the docs properly when i received them from my uncle etc... i was at the point of giving up this whole application process at that night.

Tues morning, took half day off again to settle my stuff, calling immigration office to ask some stuff, sent some files for my bro online, certified most of my photocopied docs, came out with a solution for the birth cert (more abt that later).
and tues, some ppl were suppose to change the carpet at the corridor on our floor. we were told to leave our doors opened. but before i left home at 1130am, still no sign of them coming.
when i got home at night, saw that my hsmate did this round's washing (basically means putting in clothes into the machine, wash powder, softener, pressed and turned a few buttons and dials on the machine) and dried the clothes on the rack. that was one of the big smile for my day!

Today, mum and dad went to get those birth certs certified by a lawyer in kl, and sent them to me via registered mail. then they told me that each signature costs RM50! so altogether RM350 (seven copies including 3 of my bro's), plus the mailing costs which is RM66! you do the sum! courier the original documents to me wont even cost half that money!! certifying docs here in melb doesn't cost a single cent!
when they told me in the afternoon (when i'm in the office) that the certification costs RM50 each, i thought she was just making that up and just want me to feel bad. but just now, she told me again and the mailing cost. and she said last time in penang, it costs the same.
They never told me that they need to pay for that in Penang. what i know was my aunt asked her fren to do it. and last time when i told mum how much it costs to translate docs here, she said cheaper back there. so fine! let her do it in penang!
but now, she's telling me all this!

i'm just upset that i wasn't being told the truth since the beginning. ok, mayb they just want me to feel better at that time, then, why tell me now??!!
and on mon night, dad blamed me for not listening to him when he suggested to let uncle bring me the original documents.

or maybe they didn't know what have been going through my mind?
i've thinking abt wat's best and easiest for them and now it turned out to be the opposite.
and telling them more abt wat i'm thinking doesn't equal to making things better.

hope all this chaos will end on 14th june 2007!
wish me luck!

what if...

After a phone call, someone from our lab had just rushed to the hosp in Dandenong to see her family (grandfather i think) who was very sick in the hosp. She was in tears as soon as she heard the bad news on the phone.

Then i thought.... what IF something bad happens to my parents, or my bro, or my grandma in M'sia and i'm STUCK here in Melb?! :(
even if i go to the airport straight away to catch the next flight back home, i wont make it there until at least the next 10 hours!

I miss NZ
miss holiday
miss home
miss mum, dad and bros
miss camp 06
:(

空...

空...
是空虚？
还是空闲？

guess i'm both.

Time to work harder for my project. But then, sometimes it's not that i dont want to stay back late and do more work, but i depend on other ppl to do my work. I have to wait for them to teach me certain things before i can carry out on my own. And i still depend on the presence of my supervisor, eventhough i dont need him to be at my side watching me doing the experiment, but in case i'm screwed, if he's around in the office, there's someone for me to ask.

Monday, goin to do a western blot, which i've done a trial run by my own which was a successful one, last week. So Monday, eventhough i can only start this 1 whole day + half a day experiment after lunch time (coz i need someone to show me how to quantitate the protein before i can do the experiment), i decided to stay back late after hours to do it so that i wont waste the other half of my day doing nothing. And also this time, i'll be doing the experiment with the phD student in my lab, she'll be doing with her samples, i'll be doing mine. different samples, same technique.
and tuesday is the AGM for MCRI, which will take up almost half of hour day. So if i dont start my experiment on monday, i'll have to wait till wed and half of thurs. The AGM will be held in the ACMI at fed sq, followed by a lunch.

My parents went to Cameron Highlands for a weekend last week but i forgot abt that although my mum told me few weeks ago. It was mother's day last sunday. So when i called mum's hp, they're at Cameron already. For those who dunno, Cameron Highlands is one of the tourist spot in m'sia. not too far from KL (can't remember how many hours drive but definitely less than 3 hours i think). i've been there once, according to my parents, not long after i was born, which means i was still a baby who doesn't know anything. haha!
when i signed into msn after 5pm in office, Mum was online too and asked me if i want to see the photos they took at Cameron. so bro sent all of them to me just now.
photos aren't great, as in no spectacular scenery or wat, but i was really happy to see that the both of them are having a good holiday there. Mum just retired from her work this year. Dad sort of retired last year. Unlike some of my friends, our family couldn't afford to go on holiday every year. So eventhough this is just Cameron Highlands, i can feel that my mum is really happy. and i'm happy for them too. :)

Now i'm the only one still studying, still need financial support from my parents. I really hope that my parents can have the opportunity to travel more.
Mum's going to the states (where my uncle and his family live) this June, together with my other aunt and grandma. Dad said he couldn't go coz he has to take care of the house! but my bro will be at home anyway coz he needs to work! So... :(

sigh... when can i earn enough money to let my parents enjoy their life more?

______________

yday morning, when i was waiting for the lift to the office, a question struck me when i saw a slightly disabled kid.
'how will you react if their child was born with disability?' even if it's just a cleft lip, or a facial feature that 'doesn't look nice enough'? will u still love your child??

all over...

It's over...
last show on Friday night.
Wasn't able to focus during the day in the lab. Did a few stupid mistakes when doing DNA　extraction for a few samples. :S But consequences aren't too serious lar.
Was later than i planned when i finish my experiment and leave to uni. Partly due to my careless mistakes.

Last chance to watch the show, last chance pulling the curtains, last chance at the backstage of the theater, last chance in the dressing room of the theater. so much memories!
This last show, for the first time, I did the English voice over announcement just before the show started. The one saying welcome, thnx sponsor, no smoking eating drinking in theatre etc. So after this production, i had a taste of almost every position in a theater production:
costume & makeup (2007), props (2006), sets (05,06), backstage (05,06), sound (05 in cmg), APM (07), and i say this production i'm also a 'part time assistant SM' :P, pull curtain, on headset (dunno how to spell 'cans'), VO announcement.
so left the lighting and projection departments, usher and the admin team.

and surprisingly, noone cried at the end. Thought i'll be emotional.
we (me, jingying and fred) gave the director, SMs, department heads, designers and operators each a small souvenirs that we had made: a laminated printed group photo with our few words behind the photo. (fred didn't prepare any for ourselves!! :( ) spent a few hours to write the little notes on wed night after the rehearsal. was up till almost 4am eventhough had to work the next morning. but still couldn't finish all the 27 notes. (sam, shiyang: those are the 'notes'/'love notes' that i wrote after the supper on wed :P) continued in office and the tearoom the next day :P
and at the end of the show, the three of us gave everyone in the production and most of admin ppl each a tulip. i went to ordered them on monday night, jingying and fred went to pick up on fri afternoon. the tulips were hidden somewhere in the theatre until the very end of the show :)

The post-production supper was crazy! everyone's busy writing each other's booklets! we occupied the second floor of the restaurant. and it's like a market! almost a hundred of us i think, or even more. should hv taken a photo of that market.

went home straight after supper. super tired...


had my IELTS test the next morning 8.30am. which means i only slept for 4 hours before the test.
the test was ok i think. not hoping to get too good results, as long as it's enough for me to apply my PR. yea... production's over, no excuse to not do my application now.

Went to Bobby's hs for bbq at ard 5pm.
i think this is one of the best party at Bobby's. more than 30 ppl were there last nite. built bbq pits, set up the pits, cook the food, eat, some ppl watched Saw3, play mahjong, then most ppl got together and play the 'killer game'. that game reminds me of the ctg camp 2006. :( that was one of my good memories in my ctg history.
they're having a camp this year too. in july. still hvn't decide whether to go or not. it's on the last fri-sun of uni winter hol. but i hv no holiday! so even if i go, i can only go after work on fri nite.

leaving bobby's hs last nite was a bit sad... coz that might be the last time i ever go to that hs, see the two doggies (one of them ate the crab meat ball that i bbq-ed for so long!!). seeing bobby and JiaLing waving gd bye to us outside the house was like quite sad. :(

Had an 8 hours sleep till 11am this morning.
woke up and thinking wat to do today... the first question i ask myself was... 'any ctg stuff to do today?' starting to hv a bit of the 'post-production syndrome' this morning. But then not as bad as the past. hmm...
went to lab at 1230, till 230 to do tissue culture. then to return Grace's dvd. then did some grocery shopping. never had time to go grocery shopping since last weekend.
came home and cooked dinner. 2 weeks since the last time i cook a proper meal at home! the other thing i cooked in this 2 weeks at home are once or twice instant noodles/instant udon noodles. had been eating out coz of rehearsals and shows.

was planning to finish my bioinformatics analysis tonight but... until now, 8.40pm, hvn't started doin it yet. :P just lazy!