what if...

After a phone call, someone from our lab had just rushed to the hosp in Dandenong to see her family (grandfather i think) who was very sick in the hosp. She was in tears as soon as she heard the bad news on the phone.

Then i thought.... what IF something bad happens to my parents, or my bro, or my grandma in M'sia and i'm STUCK here in Melb?! :(
even if i go to the airport straight away to catch the next flight back home, i wont make it there until at least the next 10 hours!

I miss NZ
miss holiday
miss home
miss mum, dad and bros
miss camp 06
:(

空...

空...
是空虚？
还是空闲？

guess i'm both.

Time to work harder for my project. But then, sometimes it's not that i dont want to stay back late and do more work, but i depend on other ppl to do my work. I have to wait for them to teach me certain things before i can carry out on my own. And i still depend on the presence of my supervisor, eventhough i dont need him to be at my side watching me doing the experiment, but in case i'm screwed, if he's around in the office, there's someone for me to ask.

Monday, goin to do a western blot, which i've done a trial run by my own which was a successful one, last week. So Monday, eventhough i can only start this 1 whole day + half a day experiment after lunch time (coz i need someone to show me how to quantitate the protein before i can do the experiment), i decided to stay back late after hours to do it so that i wont waste the other half of my day doing nothing. And also this time, i'll be doing the experiment with the phD student in my lab, she'll be doing with her samples, i'll be doing mine. different samples, same technique.
and tuesday is the AGM for MCRI, which will take up almost half of hour day. So if i dont start my experiment on monday, i'll have to wait till wed and half of thurs. The AGM will be held in the ACMI at fed sq, followed by a lunch.

My parents went to Cameron Highlands for a weekend last week but i forgot abt that although my mum told me few weeks ago. It was mother's day last sunday. So when i called mum's hp, they're at Cameron already. For those who dunno, Cameron Highlands is one of the tourist spot in m'sia. not too far from KL (can't remember how many hours drive but definitely less than 3 hours i think). i've been there once, according to my parents, not long after i was born, which means i was still a baby who doesn't know anything. haha!
when i signed into msn after 5pm in office, Mum was online too and asked me if i want to see the photos they took at Cameron. so bro sent all of them to me just now.
photos aren't great, as in no spectacular scenery or wat, but i was really happy to see that the both of them are having a good holiday there. Mum just retired from her work this year. Dad sort of retired last year. Unlike some of my friends, our family couldn't afford to go on holiday every year. So eventhough this is just Cameron Highlands, i can feel that my mum is really happy. and i'm happy for them too. :)

Now i'm the only one still studying, still need financial support from my parents. I really hope that my parents can have the opportunity to travel more.
Mum's going to the states (where my uncle and his family live) this June, together with my other aunt and grandma. Dad said he couldn't go coz he has to take care of the house! but my bro will be at home anyway coz he needs to work! So... :(

sigh... when can i earn enough money to let my parents enjoy their life more?

______________

yday morning, when i was waiting for the lift to the office, a question struck me when i saw a slightly disabled kid.
'how will you react if their child was born with disability?' even if it's just a cleft lip, or a facial feature that 'doesn't look nice enough'? will u still love your child??

all over...

It's over...
last show on Friday night.
Wasn't able to focus during the day in the lab. Did a few stupid mistakes when doing DNA　extraction for a few samples. :S But consequences aren't too serious lar.
Was later than i planned when i finish my experiment and leave to uni. Partly due to my careless mistakes.

Last chance to watch the show, last chance pulling the curtains, last chance at the backstage of the theater, last chance in the dressing room of the theater. so much memories!
This last show, for the first time, I did the English voice over announcement just before the show started. The one saying welcome, thnx sponsor, no smoking eating drinking in theatre etc. So after this production, i had a taste of almost every position in a theater production:
costume & makeup (2007), props (2006), sets (05,06), backstage (05,06), sound (05 in cmg), APM (07), and i say this production i'm also a 'part time assistant SM' :P, pull curtain, on headset (dunno how to spell 'cans'), VO announcement.
so left the lighting and projection departments, usher and the admin team.

and surprisingly, noone cried at the end. Thought i'll be emotional.
we (me, jingying and fred) gave the director, SMs, department heads, designers and operators each a small souvenirs that we had made: a laminated printed group photo with our few words behind the photo. (fred didn't prepare any for ourselves!! :( ) spent a few hours to write the little notes on wed night after the rehearsal. was up till almost 4am eventhough had to work the next morning. but still couldn't finish all the 27 notes. (sam, shiyang: those are the 'notes'/'love notes' that i wrote after the supper on wed :P) continued in office and the tearoom the next day :P
and at the end of the show, the three of us gave everyone in the production and most of admin ppl each a tulip. i went to ordered them on monday night, jingying and fred went to pick up on fri afternoon. the tulips were hidden somewhere in the theatre until the very end of the show :)

The post-production supper was crazy! everyone's busy writing each other's booklets! we occupied the second floor of the restaurant. and it's like a market! almost a hundred of us i think, or even more. should hv taken a photo of that market.

went home straight after supper. super tired...


had my IELTS test the next morning 8.30am. which means i only slept for 4 hours before the test.
the test was ok i think. not hoping to get too good results, as long as it's enough for me to apply my PR. yea... production's over, no excuse to not do my application now.

Went to Bobby's hs for bbq at ard 5pm.
i think this is one of the best party at Bobby's. more than 30 ppl were there last nite. built bbq pits, set up the pits, cook the food, eat, some ppl watched Saw3, play mahjong, then most ppl got together and play the 'killer game'. that game reminds me of the ctg camp 2006. :( that was one of my good memories in my ctg history.
they're having a camp this year too. in july. still hvn't decide whether to go or not. it's on the last fri-sun of uni winter hol. but i hv no holiday! so even if i go, i can only go after work on fri nite.

leaving bobby's hs last nite was a bit sad... coz that might be the last time i ever go to that hs, see the two doggies (one of them ate the crab meat ball that i bbq-ed for so long!!). seeing bobby and JiaLing waving gd bye to us outside the house was like quite sad. :(

Had an 8 hours sleep till 11am this morning.
woke up and thinking wat to do today... the first question i ask myself was... 'any ctg stuff to do today?' starting to hv a bit of the 'post-production syndrome' this morning. But then not as bad as the past. hmm...
went to lab at 1230, till 230 to do tissue culture. then to return Grace's dvd. then did some grocery shopping. never had time to go grocery shopping since last weekend.
came home and cooked dinner. 2 weeks since the last time i cook a proper meal at home! the other thing i cooked in this 2 weeks at home are once or twice instant noodles/instant udon noodles. had been eating out coz of rehearsals and shows.

was planning to finish my bioinformatics analysis tonight but... until now, 8.40pm, hvn't started doin it yet. :P just lazy!

hvn't been blogging for long long time
coz i've been busy working, handed in my lit review last fri, finished my practice talk on wed, goin to have my real talk next tues (it's my honours hurdle requirement), and CTG-ing!!

last nite was our first show. yea.. once it's started... it means that it's goin to end soon :(
during the show, my job is to pull the front curtain and let the stage managers know when the casts are ready on the stage before the light goes on. i'm standing on a chair, with my little torch (which gives out purple light) and script, on the headphones, and pulling curtain is not a 'pleasant' job coz it hurts ur hands!

did a few mistakes last nite, not with the curtains, but with the casts. for 1 of the scenes, didn't manage to see whether the cast is ready already (it's total black behind ) and i told SM that casts is ready.. so the light went on but no cast there :(

they did put up some light for us after the curtain is closed, and lights off just before the cast is goin out to the front curtain. but if the cast is suppose to get on stage from the right (i'm standing on the left), i coudltn' really tell properly who is who. all i can see is the movement of the person and curtain. and that's how i 'predict' that they are ready or not. :(
but anyway, last nite's show was great! audience response was very good during and after the show. i was sooo happy and touched when the audience gave response during the show. nearly cried during the curtain call (for those who dunno, that's when the casts go on stage and bow after the show ends). ya... i know.. it's only the first show. :(

i'm very happy with the ppl in my lab. why? coz i can feel the love. haha!!

1) wed was my practice talk in our weekly group meeting. the grp meeting is for our lab (the research and diagnostic part of the group) and the clinical group of ppl from 9th floor. so if everyone turns up, it'll be abt 18 ppl. but that wed, only ppl from our lab turned up. which is good! well, the others probably din come coz it's just my practice session and nothing else is important (usually there's 1 speaker presenting a paper or 1 speaker presenting the work they've done). so great! my talk went from 4.25pm for 15 mins. then, everyone stayed back and went through my slides one by one to give me feedback! and it went till 5.30pm! usually ppl just can't wait to go home at 5pm sharp. but this time they stayed back and not just listen to wat my supervisors have to say to me, but they joined in to give constructive comments!
i'm just happy :)

2) and i've told my supervisor abt leaving early for the shows these two weeks and he's absolutely fine with it being supportive.

3) and yday, i left work at 430 and all of them know that i hv my first show that nite and wished me good luck. and canny was on her mobile phone when i said bye and walked out of the office. she ran out of the office with her phone still one and wish me good luck!
i'm just happy :)

I've got my results back from my exam few weeks ago and also the bioinformatics assignment which was handed in last month. and i'm happy with the results :)

see... all these little things that made me happy in the lab/office eventhough my experiment didn't work well/still hv lots of lab work and comp work to keep up etc my mood changed as i stepped into the theatre.
5 semester in ctg so far and this is definitely goin to be the last one. i'm most happy while i'm a crew in the first 2 semesters and as the workshop manager last yr first sem. but since then, last sem, this sem especially i'm not 100% enjoing my 'job'. this sem is really a frustrated and dramatic one for me. it really chaned my perspective to many ppl in ctg, this includes lots of disappointments. it's probably wat that makes me decided to end my 'life in ctg'.
it's very contradicting. i love ctg but at the same time i hate ctg.

so for now, i'll try my best to enjoy this last few days of ctg while i can. i'll definitely miss it after it's finish.....

too much to write
too much to think
too much to do
too much to settle
too much to worry

I'm not a good 'boss'
i dunno how to communicate properly with other ppl in the hierarchy.
i dunno how to persuade ppl to follow my way.
i dunno how to make decision, think properly when i'm in front of a 'mess'.
i'm easily moved by other ppl's words.

and i care wat ppl think abt me!

Finally...

Finally i can sleep in today! and maybe tmr and Monday! :D
miss those uni days when u can just sleep at 3am and wake up after 12pm during holidays or weekends. Now, i'm very aware of public holidays (coz those are my only hols).

Haven't been blogging for quite some time now.
My exam, my last exam ever, just finished on Monday.
Had a crazy weekend before that Monday. So if i really end up with shitty results, i can only blame myself :S
It's time to start my new task - literature review which is due end of this month

Yday, I received easter eggs from frens and colleagues for the first time in my life!! hahaha!
LiJeen (a biomed fren doin honours in MCRI) gave me the biggest one with a little ribbon tied around in and a little note attached;
a sales rep gave everyone one little egg (hazelnut filled, and some crunchy bits too);
Alycia (another biomed fren doin honours in MCRI) gave me 3 little eggs (I gave one of them to Canny after i tried one out and it's really nice :P);
Erin (the motherly research assistant in the diagnostic lab of our group) gave each of us 3 sugar coated ones and 2 other paper wrapped ones).


Had a good gathering with old Trinity frens last night. Ezien came to Melb from HK before flying off to Syd for her training. So Fendy and Eway etc organized this dinner gathering at Manchester Lane. Good food (i wasn't there for the food but heard it's good), good music, good company :) I guess this is the best gathering we ever have since our second yr of uni (my housewarming party was quite a good one in yr 1 yea?), as in the few who dont usually turn up, came last nite.

ok.. grumble time...

I've reached my lowest body weight in these 4+ years since i came to Melb (well, i seldom weigh myself before that). Then just few days ago, had a diarrhea. Issit just stress or no proper eating habits?

and this production really made me change my thoughts abt some ppl... most of them are disappointments. How can the relationship between ppl change so quickly? well, months? years?

and i'm tired of explaining to ppl (uni students) that i'm doing honours now, wat i do in honours, how's my 'working hours' like, i dont follow uni holidays etc...
and i'll be 'off' when ppl seem to think that my honours life is an easy year etc...

I want a holiday! I need a holiday! even just a weekend away from the Melbourne city.
sometimes when i'm doing my work, i'll daydream abt holiday-ing in Syd and NZ. really miss my holiday in NZ last year with my parents and bro. :(

and i need to start doing something for my PR application. heard that they'll change the rules in a few months time. :(
will be taking my IELTS test the day after bump-out! :S 8.30am exam!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

common sense is actually not common

why are there ppl who have no common sense?!
eg be late for 30 mins, hving the whole group of 15-20 ppl waiting for her? and hv no good reason for being late
eg why some ppl dont clean up the mess after they use the kitchen/tea room?

all these ppl are not small kids! they are all uni students or those who are already working and are at least graduated from uni.

busy week

things seem to turn better since tuesday. i'd been very frustrated and stressed up lately.
firstly, DNA extraction seemed to work (and yea.. it works and i just sent it for genotyping today). been unsuccessful in extracting DNA for the past attempts. after work, rush down to city (before the shops close) to buy graduation present for a fren (yes... that's U!!), then went all the way back to garage to sort out costumes for wed's fulldress rehearsal. so ... relieved that things seemed to be more organised.

then, on Wed morning i took the 8.04am tram no.55 and there were a few tram inspectors in plain clothes on the tram. luckily i validated my tix. coz i (used to) hv this 'theory' that tram no.55 doesn't hv inspectors checking our tix. and i did this little experiment, validating my tix every trip since feb till early march and never hv my tix checked so since early march, i sometimes didn't validate my tram tix. so my theory was proven wrong. :P
Wed evening was a bit of chaos. first, my first gel (to confirm the quality of the DNA extracted) in the morning wasn't good. then when i re-run the same sample, same amount on a fresh gel, it turned out well. but it was too late to send it over for genotyping on that evening (hv to do it before 5pm), so my plan to be at uni at 5pm was ruined.
so i was late for fulldress rehearsal which i'm suppose to be there by 530.
after rushing to union hs to take pics with 3 frens who graduated on that day, went to ict for the rehearsal. but i couldn't find them coz they changed the venue (still in ict.. but dunno where in ict). and no one answered my phone! then i decided to look around myself and found them upstairs. :S
then today, brought the sample to AGRF (australian genome research facility) which is situated at WEHI and so i'm free pretty much from 4.15pm. so happy that i finish early! but... nothing to do, nowhere to go coz the weather is super hot! and imagine i walked all the way from RCH!
waited at Sidney Myer centre (found that the air conditioning there is the best) until 5.45pm for production meeting at UH.

so tmr is night market! CTG is hving a short sketch from 7.40pm at concrete lawn.
am looking fwd to it but on the other hand, hoping that everything goes smoothly.

sat... planning to go to office do my bioinformatics stuff. yea.. only one comp in the office has the programs i need but usually that comp is occupied during normal hours. and good that my supervisor postponed my weekly meeting with him from Fri to next monday. so i still hv time to do it and hopefully get some results for him on monday (this is also one of the 'things that turned better this week' :)).
then 5.30pm dinner then 7pm FINA! :D hv been looking fwd to FINA since i bought the tix end of last year. but the heat seems to go down since few weeks ago. We're watching synchronised swimming, team final.

ok lar.. i should study now... since i hv the mood to study tonite.
yea... need to hv the right mood to study. :P

i'm so sorry

yday, found out that i had a really really stupid mistake.
but i couldn't recall that i actually did that.
but other than me, i couldn't think of anyone else who could have done that.
it's a mistake that cannot be corrected ever.
i didn't apologize yet, hoping tht noone will ever realise it, noone will ever bring it up until they've forgotten who i am. and also even if i do apologize, i wont be forgiven, and then more and more ppl will know abt it, and they will remember it for a few years at least.
i really do feel sorry about wat i've done.

Labour Day

it was Labour Day today for Victoria. dont hv to work today, but i went back to change do some media change for the cells in the morning.
boba pearl at lygon was closed down!! :( i love the bubble tea there very much! especially their pearls, the best in melbourne!! sigh... now i can only hv ezyway's.

why do i always care abt wat ppl will think abt me?!!
eg today, din get to say 'thank you' to a fren in the afternoon and i'm still thinking abt that now!
there are many times when my brain just got blank suddenly, couldn't remember wat was i suppose to be doing at that moment. sometimes i'll recall it after a few seconds, sometimes i just couldn't remember and then it came back into my mind after awhile. not to say my short term memory that i've always hv, especially on stuff that i'd learned in lectures, things that i've studied for exam.
how can i get things staying in my mind permanently??!!

few days ago, a guy fren said to me that girls are troublesome becoz they are sensitive, explode out of the sudden, emotional etc. i totally agree tht girls are much sensitive than guys are (well, most guys). that's the reason why guys might think that girls are too emotional and will explode easily. guys din know wat girls hv been feeling or thinking until they show out by being emotional or some unexpected reactions. other girls might not think that's emotional or unexpected coz they 'follow' wat's goin on since the beginning.

sometimes, i thought that mayb being less sensitive (especially towards guys) aren't a bad thing after all. coz while u're guessing wat's happening, wat does that mean from that person etc, it actually mean nothing at all.

i'm getting tired of doing things that other ppl should share the responsibility of. just dont understand why she is not aware of wat i've been doing all the while. should i say tht coz she's inconsiderate or i'm being too considerate? or becoz i always act faster than her so there's not a 'chance' for her to do it?

i wish that i'm just a kid...

felt betrayed
am tired

i'm blogging from my office.
was looking at my monthly calender... 3 weeks to the 20%worth 3-hour exam... i really need to study more now. managed to finish 3/4 of lecture 1 during the last weekend. 9 lectures altogether so far. will have 16 in total by the end of this month, and have 4 days after the last lecture before the exam on 2nd April.

will go for moomba festival's fireworks on sat night. :D
that is one of my highlights for the year.
Monday is Labour Day, it's a holiday for me. But i MIGHT still come to the lab to change media for my cells. well, my supervisor said it's ok to leave it till tuesday, but i dont want it to scramble up my tissue culture routine which happens mon, wed and fri every week. will see how...

不知不觉地，今天是元宵节了。
今年的农历新年对我来说真的很不像新年。完全没有过年的兴奋。

人与人之间的沟通真的很复杂，会有很多机会出现误会。今天，又‘揭发‘了一个小误会。

最近，没有什么特别/不平凡的事发生。好像没有什么好blog的。:P

week 4

time flies!! week 4 already! but i feel like i haven't done much yet for my honours project. :(
dunno if i've mentioned abt this before....
since honours started, i didn't have the feeling of 'looking fwd to weekend' during weekdays. i think it's a good sign which means i (quite) like my weekdays. :) or mayb just becoz weekends are not much different from weekdays? but of course, i'll feel happier on friday night. :D

went for the seminar on every wed today. i fell asleep half way through (as usual) until they showed us a very touching emotional video of a mother and her son with cerebral palsy at the end of the seminar. That video showed how the mother takes care of her disabled son, she mentioned that she lost her other son (the twin brother) and how she still missed him but have to be strong to take care of this son. ppl (not just me) in the theater got teary at the end of that video. there's no cure for that neurological disorder. it makes me think of a girl from my extended family who has Angelmann syndrome (if i'm not wrong). i only see her in Penang during CNY usually. i'm not close to her family. I only know that she's not down syndrome. but as i know more abt Angelmann syndrome, i think that's wat happening to her.
wat really made me feel sad for them is, how are these children going to survive when their parents aren't able to look after them anymore?
i see sick children and happy children everyday in the lift, at the corridor. i really feel how lucky i am to be able to grow and live healthy.
and also, i made a conclusion today after watching that video. that is, i can't be a doctor or even a physiotherapist or anything like that. coz i'm sure when i see those patients, i'll become emotional and stuff. (does that mean i can't be a genetic counselor as well?!)

week 3

been busy this week...
3 2hr-lectures, a library tute (learned how to search papers on database), a bioinformatics tute (learned how to do my assignment 2), a bit of lab work, started learning to do tissue culture (TC), gatherings, farewells.
went to the lab just before 8am on thurs to finish up some sequencing prep before going to 9am lec. that was my first time in the lab that early in the morning when noone else from my lab was around. that was also my first time i did lab work without my supervisor's supervision :P was a bit worried when noone turned up at 9am coz i need to go to lecture. 5 mins past 9, Canny (the PhD student in the lab) came in (finally). she showed me the last step of the procedure and then off I go to lecture. those sequence had been back, will analyze them on monday with my supervisor at my side. :)
started learning to do TC. i hv a flask of cells to look after. hv to make sure the cells are dividing and growing happily, free from contamination.
other than that, been doing lots of data analysis on the computer this week when i'm not in the lab.
we all went for a farewell lunch on thurs. one of the postdocs are leaving at the end of this week. it's always nice to hv everyone from the group/lab goin to tea breaks, lunch, seminars, or meetings together. but yea.. this is a farewell lunch tho. means we'll hv one less ppl for those 'group activities' from next week. :( although i dunno him long, i only join the lab for 3 weeks so far, but he thought me a few tips and he's a really nice person. quite sad to see him go.

today, did TC work at 8.30am before goin to the animal welfare training at 930 in uni.
the training (are basically lecture series from 930am till 3pm) is like a small gathering for most honours students. i met a few familiar faces from biomed in the lectures. my supervisor and an RA went to the training too. so 3 of us sat together, i feel like my 'dad'(my supervisor lar) came to lecture with us too. :D
i've been looking fwd to this training thingy eventhough the things i learned are probably not applicable to me this year (since i'm not doin anything on animals in my hons proj), but the fact that i'm attending courses in uni, got to see other frens in uni.

tmr... wantED to go to the office to do some computer work, but now... seems very unlikely that i'll wake up early for that. might not even go to vic mart in the morning coz it's 2am now and i want to sleep in tmr morning.
1230 meeting till dunno wat time,
6pm fren's bday-potluck

sunday, fren's farewell-karaoke!! :P

dunno if this is true

Congratulations, SC!
Your IQ score is 131

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

Happy Chinese New Year!!

My first CNY not celebrated at home with my family :(
went to uncle's house on sat afternoon. 44 mins train ride, didn't realise it's that long when i'm on the train, with my mp3 player :)
as soon as i stepped into their house, saw those CNY decorations and home-made CNY biscuits and butter cake, made me feel like.... it IS CNY! had dinner before 6pm. uncle and aunt are good cook. we had 7 dishes. all very yummy! and lychee jelly for dessert.
watched dvd at night, talked to 外婆 on the phone when uncle called back to Penang. She was so happy to hear my voice during CNY. I miss home! I miss 外婆! miss playing mahjong with her and my aunts. miss those CNY biscuits! miss sending and receiving cny sms from frens together with bro! miss watching CNY special tv programmes! miss watching fireworks from the balcony in Penang! :(
i didn't feel this bad before, i thought... not home for CNY only mar... i'm not the only one here, most of my frens doing hons are in melb also, so no big deal. But now, i really miss celebrating CNY in Penang with my family and all my relatives.
Really hope that next yr i'll be home for CNY.

came back to city on sunday late afternoon. went for CNY dinner with frens, 3 of us 4 dishes. and we managed to finish everything!! impressive! :D

back to work today (can't say i'm studying coz i feel more like i'm working now altho i still hv some lectures to go to), how sad... 2nd day of CNY, usually i'm still holiday-ing in Penang.

after having lunch in the cafeteria in RCH, took lift back up to 10th floor, i nearly lose my hand coz of the stupid crappy lift!!! i was holding my lunch box with my left hand when i was trying to hold the lift opened for ppl and prams to come out of the lift, then the lift closed and my left hand was caught at the lift door while i'm outside the lift! luckily ppl outside the lift managed to open the door for me. my fingers went numb for a few minutes, my thumb still feel a little wierd when i pressed a little harder on it.
i was so scared and nearly cried out after i went back to the office, thinking wat would hv happened if the door didn't open, and wat would hv happened if the lift just move to the next level when my hand was still there!!
on my way home, on the tram, i started to think abt it again... wat can i do if i lose my hand, can i still type on the computer? can i still play piano? can i still do my honours? can i still do lab work? if not, then wat can i do?!! OMG!! that is so scary!!! >.< (i even told myself tht i can still be APM for the production -_-||)