好无奈哦！

为什么一个人去电影院看戏感觉会怪怪的？
没有人规定去电影院一定要多过一个人去，可是我还是过不了自己那关。:S
三/四年前我一个人去看了DaVinciCode，在快要下画的时候去的，那时候的那个session没有多过二十位观众吧，我坐在最后一排中间的位子，和我同一排的，还有另一位中年妇女，还带了自己的被单。也不记得当时自己去看的感觉是怎样的了。
可是我还是做不到第二次。
因为朋友的兴趣不同，时间难乔，比较难找人一起看戏了 :(

so happen to walk into a shop just now, and bought myself two pieces of clothings, at a total of $64.90
but i can't get myself to pay $75 for a key pouch which i've been eyeing at for almost 4 months, excluding the internet browsing!!! :S

and, a key pouch will probably last me longer than those 2 clothes. plus i use the key pouch every single day whereas i don't wear those 2 clothings everyday :S

mayb because the key pouch is from a brand of one of the 'luxurious goods', well, semi-luxurious lar, which made me think it's un-neccessary?

this key pouch, is one of the 'irrational things to do and will make me happy' from the previous post i wrote here.

hmm.... perhaps it's not too late for a belated bday present for myself ;)

小S 把演艺圈的八卦`秘密和大S分享,
那，我可以把朋友的八卦`秘密和谁分享呢？？

我忍。。。 >.< .

我是看《芝麻街》长大的 :)

无端端

突然发现，从下个月到八月份，每个月都有一个值得我期待的事情 :)

四月份
林俊杰演唱会
yes! bought tix!!! and very happy with the seats we've got :)
and on the day i planned to get tix from the official ticketing place, my colleague fwd me an email, monash chinese student society selling those tix at $10 cheaper, more than 5 tix bought can get a free AUTOGRAPHED CD.
so i called the person and so happen that she's in the city that day. so i got the tix and the cd and a poster from her that same day after work.
eventhough there are a few dodgy-ness about the cd, but i'm just going to ignore that and believe it's a genuine one. lol.



checked the seating plan, those seat numbers look right to me :$

五月份
FAME the musical with my colleagues :)
Simone started organising this few weeks ago. eventhough this musical is not on my priority list this year, since it's a musical and Fame is a classic(?) so, wouldn't mind going at all

六月份
brisbane to visit my famiy :)
haven't told my supervisor about taking a week off for this, but i'm sure he'll be fine with that. he never turn down any of my leave so far, all he said last time was, i'm entitled to have 20days off a year.

七月份
Marry Poppins the musical!
this is on my priority list. bought tix in jan
looking fwd to this since last year :$ so it better be good! haha

八月份
SinYee my best friend in highschool is coming to melb for a holiday
will be staying with me for a few days, all weekdays tho :S
told her to have at least a weekend in melb but well, either she forgot or can't get the tix. but then she's going to syd after melb on a weekend.
o well... will see what i can do.



those are my 'highlight of the month' up till august.
i want more :)

加油!

usualy when i listen to a song, i will only remember the melody, but don't even listen to the lyrics. so usually the first time i see the lyrics is from the ktv version.

since 无端端 got this 林俊杰 - 100天 CD for free (wil explain how later), i picked up the booklet and hv a close look at the lyrics while listening to the song.
I like this one:

<加油!>
最近你好吗 少了一点微笑
说的话有点少 最近我也不好
全世界都在逆转
人开始反向思考

发现你爱的人到处跑
昨晚刚升职 今天被炒
莫名其妙 谁会知道
是不是上天开的玩笑
地震时 你想和谁拥抱
什么是生命中的美好
轻易放掉 却不知道
幸福就在下一个转角
说一声加油 一切更美好
所有的悲伤 请往边靠
曾经流过的泪 湿了伤口就让
阳光晒干而褪
这一种加油 人人都需要
手牵手我们一起赛跑
说好不见不散 每分每秒守候你到老

The beat goes on 时间它一直走
就像是 Life goes on 这过程或许痛
不管顺流或逆流 你总得抬起头
让我们一起走 走过艰难和困惑

关关是难关 但我们关关过
雨后天晴的阳光在天空闪闪
所出现了彩虹 忽然间我们才懂
如果这是一场马拉松 那我们一起加油

i want to do something irrational but will make me happy >.<

eg ...

fly to somewhere for a weekend, or

buy something i like but is unnecessary

complaining again

basically i hang out most with 3 groups of friends...

group A,
80% of our outings/gatherings were initiated and organised by me. and a pesky scientist like me are now doing a little experiment, i'm not going to initiate any gathering from now on, no matter how much i miss them or how bored i am :S
but i can't say that they don't care about me or us each other. coz, we go to each others' graduation, most of them remember my bday, we can talk about almost everything, they all showed effort (to come) when i organised bday gatherings, and they did think of me when they have some free tix :(

group B,
so far we're doing quite well, one gathering every month, everyone took turns to organise. except that this year's cny, i waited (on purpose) to see if anyone is organising the cny dinner/lunch/watever, until it was abt 5 days before cny and i couldn't tahan anymore and end up organising a dinner with them. :(

group C,
half of the ppl in this group do organise meet-ups and gatherings, whereas the other half never. :S
feel bit weird with that other half of this group. we do ask them out together but why they never do it the other way round? coz they know the other half will? or they just don't bother to?


everyone has a different role among their friends.
but i'm tired of being the active one, until i started to think whether they actually care abt each other.
okok, i'm sure they care, mayb they're just busy and have other friends around who don't complain like i do.
too bad... new friends are hard to find nowadays :S

好一句‘家里没教’！
帮我息了不少怒，就除了那些‘我家也没教’的 :S

——————————————————————————

要是我的英文也可以像我的‘台湾华语’这样进步就好了
should watch more tv then :P

sigh...
80% not gg to an international conference this year. :(
just had my end of 2nd year review meeting with my supervisors.
my supervisor said it's better for me to go to one early or mid next yr instead of the one i wanted to go to this year.
reasons are very understandable and reasonable.
i completely understand how is it like going to a conference with a poster without a conclusion. have been to 3 national conferences so far and all of my 3 posters are very similar and miserable.
unless miracle happens, it's unlikely that i'll have a good abstract to be submitted in june for the nov conference :(
sien...

first there's the ESHG conference in june, then this ASHG in nov. all disappointments :S
or should i be optimistic and keep my fingers crossed that the miracle will happen before june?!

looking at the timeline of my phd progress,
i should start intensive writing of my thesis around this time next year,
and submit it before sept next year.
sounds very scary!! it's going to happen so so soon
because nowadays uni is more strict with phd students applying for 2nd extension, i should aim to hand in by the end of my 3.5 years
which is good in a way coz i just CAN'T WAIT to graduate!!
but on the other hand, going out to the world on my own as a postdoc just sound so scary. the title of being a Postdoc is just too big too heavy.
still can't imagine myself as a postdoc in a lab.

_____________________________

i'm tired of myself being paranoid and pessimistic most of the time
and i'm also annoyed by ppl around me who are not mindful abt what's happening around them or even in front of them!
especialy when that affects my convinience. >.<

_____________________________

for the past 2 - 3 weeks, i've been to a doctor (in order to get referred to), an eye specialist, a dental appointment and nearly to a dermatologist
>.<
cut the long story short,
my eyes are fine, well apparently the problem i'm having is normal for highly myopic ppl like me but not most others :S
but the feeling that something really bad is happening to my eyes that i could lose my eyesight was really really really bad. that was before i went to see the eye specialist. He was very optimistic and said there's nothing i can do, if it's going to happen, it will happen. so just enjoy life.

and i'm not finished with my dental 'adventure' yet
but i can still afford to put it aside for the moment, due to financial reason.

____________________________

ok... i feel a little bit better now
time for dinner... indomee.

yesterday (sunday),
went to lab in the morning, for abt 1.5 hours.
then it was one something pm i think,
went to vicmart, wanted to hv some spanish doughnuts coz i hdn't had lunch and need some sugar, so decided to get 3 before i even reach the stall.
at the doughnut stall, the guy was telling the lady in front of me she has to wait for a little while for her 7 (or 9? can't rmb) doughnuts to be ready.
then he told me to wait for 1 minute (yes he said 'one minute') straight away.
so i took out my $3 coins, waited...
10 secs later, a guy came, he got asked how many he wants, he said 2.
and so he got 2 doughnuts plus 1 for free!
the point is not that he got a free doughnut,
but there were at least 3 doughnuts sitting there but the guy didn't even ask how many i want.
so i just bushuang
walked away after thinking bushuang-ly for like 3 secs whether i should wait

went to have chocolate ice cream instead eventhough i shoudln't :S


so, am i immature, impatient, or what?!

Feel like learning ice-skating :P
anyone?

There's a new ice skating rink, Icehouse just opened few weeks ago, at Docklands

2nd time spending cny in melbourne without my family, without red packets, without mahjong and without big family meals
don't remember the first time being this miserable, tht was 3 years ago, after my 3rd year ugrad, because my honours started earlier than other departments (and normal uni semestr). can't rmb how was it like anymore.
parts of melbourne was flooding on thursday, both of my parents and my aunt called from overseas to make sure i'm alright. (yes, mum and dad called separately) T_T

adding on to my 'new years resolution':
never spend cny without my family ever again.
so either go home, or go to my brother's place!
even if it's on a weekday (which usually is i think), take leave! don't care!
i don't take xmas/new year off anyway, so i deserve this holiday.

i don't go back for cny this year is because i just came back in early dec after going back for my bro's wedding. so bro's wedding vs cny, if you are to pick one, which one to choose? of course the first one, right?!
so it's a bit too frequent to go back again, in terms of money spent on airfare, and days taken off work. i need to save up some days off for the holiday after the conference which i really really want to go in nov.

good that i'm at least going to a conference on sunday, which is the first day of cny. then i'll be surrounded by ppl, won't feel so lonely.
but i'll hv to make myself occupied at home the night before when other ppl are happily having their reunion dinner home sweet home :(
will have opening ceremony of the winter olympics on tv with me, while packing up and preparing myself for tmr's conference :)

What's bothering me...

Chern 帧 ~ said:
u know wat
i was so excited abt this conference in DC in early nov
then few days ago so happen that i read the newspaper online, saw that there MIGHT be a terrorist threat in the US in the next 6 months or so
then i panic liao
thinking whether i shoud still go to the conf or not!
see i don't read the newspaper everyday
but when i read it that day, i saw that news

My friend said:
u do know that the risk of a terrorist attack is way wayyyyyy lower then an accident on the road?

Chern 帧 ~ said:
i know
but
aiya dunno leh
but if i do go to the conference, will that increase my risk?
(talking to an actuarist ha) haha

My friend said:
lol meh it will increase by a tiny weeney amount

Chern 帧 ~ said:
aih
and i'm a paranoid person ar
u know i was even worried abt the swine flu vaccine last time!

My friend said:
exactly!
ppl should stop being paranoid

Chern 帧 ~ said:
but i can't help it!
i've always been paranoid
i think a lot

My friend said:
well relax la
need to learn to relax a bit

Chern 帧 ~ said:
but then
tht's wat a scientist need to be
think a lot

My friend said:
thinks a lot =/= paranoid

Chern 帧 ~ said:
and paranoid so taht they'll be careful abt things an be sure things were done correctly
eii i go shower first
ttyl

======================

Chern 帧 ~ said:
i think i just cannot pretend i'm very enthu when i find out abt ppl
coz i know too much
like i already know from dunno where/who
then when the person tell me 'in person' i'm like oh... but just cannot gv the reaction
:S

A friend said:
haha

Chern 帧 ~ said:
very sien de leh
dont laugh :(
sometimes i really wish i'm dumb-er
not showing off here
but really
:(
can be a boring person




eh eh don't get offended!!
when i say dumb, i don't mean everyone else is dumb.
and i don't mean that ppl who doesn't know what i knew is considered dumb.
ahh.... hope u know what i mean :$

========================

i think this blog is just another word document of mine except it's saved online.
because
noone really give me response abt what the thoughts i'm sharing here. yes SHARING without know who else is sharing with me
maybe coz what's written here is too 'heavy' to be commented on?
or maybe noone actually read it (but from the counter, i'm not the only visitor)
or maybe you think there's nothing to be commented on?
:S

========================

for the first time,
i'm hoping the CNY goes by quickly

A nice song :)

i want to go to the conference in DC!! very very badly!!! AAAAHHHHHHHH

now it's end of jan 2010...
next thing to look fwd to is perhaps the Lorne conference in mid feb. but first i have to 'get through' the family matter... >.<

then it'll be mid june, a trip to brisbane maybe? :)

then mid july, Mary Poppins!

then that's it!!!!!
nothing else to look fwd to!! :(

hopefully there's a trip to the States in oct/nov for me XP


and i want to graduate quickly!!!!!!!!!!!
was talking on the phone with my wai po...
she asked me when i'm graduating T_T
and she wants to see all of us get married T_T

dad likes my driving license number! lol
quote from mum: 'dad said the number is beautiful!!... (after a few minutes)... can play TOTO also hah! ha!'

i still couldn't believe i passed my driving test

now i understand why kids get tired after they cried a lot
but i don't rmb kids get puffy eyes after they cried a lot
:S

what a start of 2010 for me...
from the first day of the year, an un-received 'sms delivered' status msg hinted the bad news abt my supervisor,
Denise, who was diagnosed with pancreatic and ovary cancer passed away on sunday.
she's always been in good spirit since the end of 08.
things started to worsen in nov/dec last year, and went down the slope very quickly since then.
she came back to the lab from 2 year potdoc-ing overseas in april when i was doing my hons, then became one of my supervisors since i started phd, which was less than a yr before the diagnosis.
our desks are just next to each other, we shared the same computer, she's always earlier than me, saw her at work every single day. would ask her to go for tea togther (and canny) especially when Erin's not working.
she's always been a cheerful person, always being supportive. even if she might not the best person to supervise this project, i did learn from her, she's the one to go to when i'm in doubt with anything, she's always been a good listener.
i will be ok...
the fact that i won't see someone ever again is not going to slip away from my mind easily...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

another farewell (but will definitely say hi again) happens 2 days after that (which is today)...
late 08, grace went back after she graduated,
then diana in early 09,
then maybelle,
then tzechien,
then yoketheng,
then antyboy,
today shiyang.
i'm only left with abt 2/3 of my close friends in melb.

Happy New Year!!
010110 today...
didn't rmb what i did last year over the new year countdown :S did i see fireworks? or i was at karaoke like this year? confused with my xmas eve. :S
anyways....
didn't see live fireworks this time.
hope to watch syd fireworks with my bare eyes one day.
hmm... sydney... hvn't been there since... at least 3 years back?
syd is somewhere i like to go for a holiday (dont think i'll prefer to live there vs melb), close to melb, but is different enough for me to have a break from melb.

2010... as for the past 2 years, i've listed out my 'new year resolution' here...
ppl always say new year resolutions are never real, but for me, usually they're pretty close lol. perhaps that's becoz i wasn't being too ambitious abt myself.

i'm foreseeing 2010 as a year busy with my phd, 2 conferences that i want to go, something POSITIVE in my phd project MUST happen this year!!! or else i'll be x_x
well 2 small positives (from a side project) had happened just before xmas, hope that's a good sign for more to come.
still don't hv a solid plan to visit home, but i think it's still quite possible to 'shun bian' do so if i get to go to the conference in nov.

and
i should learn to be more forgetful on things i shouldn't rmb;
i should learn to look at certain things with one eye closed;
i should learn to enjoy my life more coz it can be very short;
i should learn to be more talkative to 'strangers' (well not random ppl on the street lar, but more like ppl at work for example, ppl whom i'm not close friends with).
that's pretty much what i can think of now.

only had abt 6 hours sleep before my mum woke me up with a 'happy new year' greeting.

oh and...
hope my sibilings are doing well with what they're doing. i really really sincerely hope everything goes well for them, both of them.
hope us kids won't let our parents down.